V is for Villains

Scarface.  Hannibal.  Darth Vader.  Jack Torrence.  Principal Rooney.  These are just a few of the baddest dudes in the history of villains.  Some are evil enough to give even the manliest man nightmares, and others are just hysterically awful - or awfully funny. 

These are the best fictitious villains EVER, according to me.

The Joker (The Dark Knight) - Heath Ledger

Ledger was so disturbingly convincing in this role that no one was surprised to learn the actor had trouble sleeping after portraying the Joker. 

Favorite evil act:  Doing the "magic" trick to the mafia guy with the pencil.  Eww.

Favorite evil quote:  "See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve."

Megamind - Will Ferrell

This dude was hilarious.   He wanted to be evil so badly, but he just couldn't pull it off.   His only goal is to defeat Metro Man and run Metro City.

Favorite evil act:  Walking down main street in Metro City blaring "Back in Black" on a boombox.

Favorite evil quote:  "Uh, yes, the spyiiiiiider. Even the smallest bite from...arachnis deathicus... will instantly paralyze... ARRGH! GET IT OFF!"

Dr. Evil (Austin Powers films)- Mike Myers

The most ridiculously funny bad guy ever.  Spends all of his time either frozen in space or trying to take over the world by defeating Austin Powers.

Favorite evil act: Busting out of prison with Mini-me after rapping with the inmates.

Favorite evil quote: "I'm one crazy mofo.  I had to pop a cop 'cause he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown.  No?  I heard that somewhere..."

Annie Wilkes (Misery) - Kathy Bates

Psycho single lady who "rescues" injured author then holds him prisoner because she loves him so much. 

Favorite evil act:  Hobbling Paul after he tries to escape.  I can't even watch that scene.  Once was enough. 

Favorite evil quote:  "Now the time has come. I put two bullets in my gun. One for me, and one for you. Oh darling, it will be so beautiful."

John Doe (Se7en) - Kevin Spacey

A killer obsessed with the seven deadly sins.  I could only watch this movie once.  The scenes are so disturbing and the ending so awful I just can't stand to go through it again. 

Favorite evil act: *SPOILER ALERT* Well, none of them were "favorites" but the worst thing he did in my opinion is the last thing he did:  Tracy's head delivered to Mills in a box.

Favorite evil quote:  "I admire you. I don't know how you found me, but imagine my surprise. I respect you law enforcement agents more everyday."

Michael Myers (Halloween)

Psychotic boy murders sister, spends years in a mental institution, escapes and decides to take it out on young folks everwhere.  For twenty-something years.  That's dedication.

Favorite evil act:  Well, the dude just never dies.  What freaks me out the most by Michael is when he does that head-tilt thing, as if he's considering.  CREEPY.

Favorite quote (since Michael didn't talk, I'm going with Dr. Loomis): "I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...evil."

Col. Nathan Jessup (A Few Good Men) - Jack Nicholson

Yeah, he ordered the Code Red.  What about it?  The ultimate B.A. himself, Mr. Nicholson. 

Favorite evil act:  His five minute rant during the trial. 

Favorite evil quote: "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post."

Joan Crawford (Mommie Dearest) - Faye Dunaway

The first time I watched this momma I decided I would never complain about my Mom.  Ever. 

Favorite evil act:  The entire wire hangers scene.

Favorite evil quote:  "NO WIRE HANGERS!!!"  Duh.

Stu and Billy (Scream) - Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich

I figured out Billy right off, but Stu was a surprise.  He was so funny you hated to see him bite it at the end. 

Favorite evil act:  Opening scene.  Brilliant.

Favorite evil quote:  "My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!"

Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) - Anthony Hopkins

Quite possibly one of the most terrifying characters ever, and he's not even the main killer in the film. THAT's talent.

Favorite evil act:  Stealing the guard's face to escape. 

Favorite evil quote:   "I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner."

Sue Sylvester (Glee) - Jane Lynch

 She has the best one-liners and is always primed for a fight with Will.  Honestly though, I much preferred her in seasons 1 and 2.  Now she's a softie.  What a bummer. 

Favorite evil act:  Marrying herself.  Because she would never love anyone else as much as she loves herself.

Favorite evil quotes: 

 "By the way, you cry more than Michael Landon in 'Little House on the Prairie' during sweeps week."

"Santana! Wheels! Gay kid! Asian! Other Asian! Aretha! Shaft!"

"Oh I will bring it, William. You know what else I'm gonna to bring? I'm gonna bring some Asian cookery to wipe your head with. Cause right now you've got enough product in your hair to season a wok."

"Your resentment is delicious."

"It is my strong recommendation that both of these students be hobbled."

"I'm gonna take your house, your car and your extensive collection of vests. I mean, seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."

"If that list is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face."

Well there you have it.   Did I miss any totally awesome villains?  Hubs is currently mad at me for not picking Darth Vader.  I told him to write his own blog. 

U is for Unusual

I'll be honest with y'all, I'm not feeling particularly inspired today.  This week has been SO long, and it's only Wednesday.  My kid has four - count 'em, FOUR - t-ball games this week, I have a paper due next Monday, my in-laws are coming to visit this weekend, and I have a cold. On the plus side, we're getting our rescue puppy Sophie this week, so there's something to smile about.

So what I did today in my laziness is google "unusual".  This is some of what I found:

If you ever see me like this, call 911, because I'm broken.

This is just adorable.

Yeah, that's a tad unusual.

We all know nobody's touching that. 

Is this that dorkfish Bill Engvall was talking about?

Straight out of my nightmares.

I don't think that's how you wear it....

Um...I don't even....

Why?

This makes me uncomfortable.

I've always wanted a pair!

This is awesomely cool.

Neat tree.

That's it for today, folks. Happy Hump Day!

R is for Rescue

We're getting a puppy.

It's something Hubs and I have discussed on and off over the past year or so, and while we're both animal lovers, we wanted to wait until we felt the girls were old enough to handle having a dog (ie: not torment and/or kill it).  About a month ago our oldest started asking for a dog every few days.  The asking then turned to begging.  Hubs and I talked about it, then decided to think about it for a few days.  I went on Petfinder to see if there were any sheltered animals in our area that seemed to be a good match for our family.  Of course, after looking at the poor little things, lonely and in need of a home, I had to have a dog.  I used my skills in persuasion to convince Hubs that there are so many animals in need of a home, and all kids need a dog, and he and I both had dogs as children...needless to say, after a day or two he caved.

I found two puppies at a shelter near us, so I emailed the contact to inquire about the status of the dogs.  In the meantime a friend of mine shared a photo on Facebook of a puppy a friend of hers was fostering until it could be adopted.  When I saw the picture, I knew she was meant for us. I immediately messaged the woman and asked her about the puppy.  After a week of texting and phone calls, Hubs, the girls and I went to meet the foster and the puppy this afternoon.

The foster lady is such a nice woman, and she has SIX dogs, one cat, a horse and a chicken!  I don't know how she manages, but she seems to do so nicely.  The dogs were all friendly, and the girls had a fantastic time playing with them.  Our puppy, Sophie, was a bit timid at first, but after about five minutes she was over it.  She was jumping up to lick us, letting us pet her and play with her.  She's a precious, sweet little dog and we all just fell in love with her.

So it's been decided that Sophie will become a part of our family as soon as she's spayed next week.  We are so excited.  We can't wait to bring her home! I had to go straight to Pet Smart and spend way too much money on everything I thought Sophie might need (as well as some extra stuff).  When we got home I went online and ordered Sofie's personalized dog tag.

We're ready for you, Sophie!

Q is for Quotes

"Hasta la vista, baby."  

I know we've all found an occasion to use this famous quote from the Governator (well, anyone over 20, for sure).  Life is full of opportunities to insert a favorite line from a film, song or brilliant mind.  Some of my most favorite quotes are from our Founding Fathers.  I love the way people spoke in the old days, with passion and fluidity.  

Here are some of my favorite (and probably overused) quotes from various sources, and be forewarned- there's a bunch of 'em!


"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." ~Lily Tomlin

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers; and once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." ~Bill Cosby

"The Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it." ~Steve Martin as Navin (The Jerk)

"Faith is a gift from God, but it's also a responsibility.  It's not enough to have it. You've got to live it out, even when times are tough." ~Drew Brees

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." ~Albert Einstein

"It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy." ~Rupert Everett as George (My Best Friend's Wedding)

"Are you crying? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! No crying!" ~Tom Hanks as Jimmy (A League of Their Own)

"I do the very best I know - the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end." ~Abraham Lincoln

"I don't condone fascism. Or any -ism, for that matter.  -Isms, in my opinion, are not good." ~Matthew Broderick as Ferris (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit." ~Bill Cosby

"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." ~P.J. O'Rourke

"In case I don't see ya: good afternoon, good evening and good night." ~Jim Carrey as Truman (The Truman Show)

"You're not getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. Momma didn't raise no fool." ~Larry Miller as Walter (10 Things I Hate About You)

"We must all hang together, or, assuredly, we shall all hang separately." ~Benjamin Franklin

"A hickie from Kenickie's like a Hallmark card." ~Jeff Conway as Kenickie (Grease)

"You can't handle the truth!" ~Jack Nicholson as Col. Jessup (A Few Good Men)

"I'm your Huckleberry." ~Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday (Tombstone)

"I'm telling you the devil gypped me for a hamburger!" ~Brendan Fraser as Elliot (Bedazzled)


"Mama Cass. Ham sandwich." ~Mike Myers as Austin (Austin Powers)

"Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry

"Yo, my brethren. What up with thee?" ~Jim Carrey as Bruce (Bruce Almighty)

"You are too twisted for color TV!" ~Shirley Maclaine as Ouiser (Steel Magnolias)

"Hello, Clarice." ~Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal (Silence of the Lambs)

"You're gonna need a bigger boat." ~Roy Scheider as Martin (Jaws)

"It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care." ~Ron Livingston as Peter (Office Space)

"Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear." ~Rory Cochrane as Lucas (Empire Records)

"Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns." ~Paul Gleason as Richard (The Breakfast Club)

P is for Propaganda

Propaganda was initially employed as an effort to raise public health awareness and for various other attempts to influence the public to support one cause or another. It soon became a tool of war, as governments used detailed images and persuasive words to urge citizens to do their part to aid war efforts.  During World War II, the Allies spent a considerable amount of time using propaganda to promote enlistment, war bonds, rationing, "victory" gardens, safe sex and patriotism on the home fronts.  

These are some of the best, most creative and/or witty propaganda I've come across in my time as a History major:

And this is not propaganda, but I saw it in a WWII class a few months ago, and I LOVE it:

Cheers!

L is for Laughter

Laughing is good for the soul, and it's good for your health.  For real, it's good for you!

Here are some of the things that never fail to make me laugh:

Saturday Night Live

We all know the new SNL has its moments of hilarity, but for the most part pales in comparison to the days
of old with Steve Martin, Dan Akroyd, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, and then the not-so-old-but-still-old-school days of old with Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan, Ana Gasteyer, Molly Shannon and Chris Farley.   I was even a fan of Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph's day.

Anytime I need a good laugh, I pop in my SNL: Best of Will Ferrell, SNL: Best of Chris Farley or The Women of SNL.

Jim Carrey


I don't care if it's Ace Ventura, Liar Liar, Dumb & Dumber, The Cable Guy or Bruce Almighty.  If it's Jim, it's all good.






Bill Engvall

I LOVE this dude.  He is so funny.  I think the thing I appreciate about him the most is that he's hilarious without being vulgar.  Nowadays it's rare to find a comedian with the ability to make you laugh without being disgusting or dropping f-bombs every other second.  I have all of his comedy albums, and I frequently listen to them on my school commute.  One day I WILL see him live!

Craig Ferguson


Since we're on stand-up, this guy is another one of my favorites.  He's also on my List, so that's a bonus.  I watch Craigyferg every night before I go to bed.  Win!






National Lampoon

Christmas Vacation.  Vacation.  European Vacation. Animal House.  Van Wilder.  Doesn't matter, if it's National Lampoon, I'm laughing.  Unless it's the more recent attempts at comedy/soft porn/obscene nonsense.  Those aren't funny.  Give me Van Wilder or Cousin Eddie any day.

Friends

We all know I love Friends.  I've seen every single episode of the much-beloved series at least seven times now.  Every few months Hubs and I start watching them again from start to finish.  It doesn't matter that I've memorized the episodes; I still laugh my butt off when I watch them.  I'll be there for you, 'cause you're there for me, too.





Mel Brooks

This man is pure genius.  Every film of his I've seen has been comedy gold.  Spaceballs, Young Frankenstein, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, History of the World, Blazing Saddles - all fantastic.  Slapstick is a gem.

April's A-to-the-Zizzle: K

K is for King.  Of the royal variety, that is.

History is chock-full of famous monarchs - good guys, bad guys, crazy guys, guys who went missing only to be found hundreds of years later under a parking lot (true story).    British history provides a plethora of juicy scandals revolving around the royal families, as well as some disconcerting tales.    Some monarchs gained fame for their benevolence and good deeds, while others did so by mass murder and all-out tyranny.  People ruling with complete power went by other titles besides king and queen; there were Tsars (or Tzars, or Czars  - those crazy Russians are too indecisive), Emperors and Kaisers (which is really just the German word for "emperor").  Let's cover some of history's most famous absolute rulers.

King Henry VIII (I am, I am), Tudor

Everybody knows about this guy.  You know, the one who invented divorce.  Henry is credited with separating the Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church.  He only did it because the Pope wouldn't annul his marriage to Catharine of Aragon, and he only wanted an annulment because he desperately wanted to shack up with his mistress Mary Boleyn's younger, hotter sister Anne, and she wouldn't put out until he married her.  Tease.  Unfortunately for Anne, Henry had a wee bit of a temper, and later had her beheaded.  Throughout his lifetime Henry married a total of six times.  Talk about commitment issues.


Tsar Nicholas II, Romanov

Poor Nicholas didn't have a chance, what with his wife being totally, hopelessly devoted to that creepy, dirty skeez Rasputin.  The Tsar was actually a pretty good guy (despite his nickname "Bloody Nicholas"), and the last years of his reign were spent in constant worry and stress over his son and heir, Alexei, who suffered from hemophilia. In the March Revolution of 1917, the Tsar and his family (Empress Alexandra, daughters Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia, and young tsarevich Alexei) were taken prisoner after Nicholas abdicated his throne and the right of his son.  Eventually sent to Yekaterinburg, the Romanovs were executed in a horrific manner, then their bodies were burned, covered in acid and buried in an attempt to cover up the murders.  Their remains weren't exhumed until 1991.  







King Richard III, House of York

Hide-and-seek World Record holder.

Richie was the last king of the House of York, and after his death in the War of the Roses the Tudor line rose to power. So we can blame him for Henry VIII.  The last English king to die in battle, Richard was buried in 1485, after which his grave was lost  (bet somebody got fired over that.  "Where'd you bury Richard?" "It was....uh.....I...I'm not sure."). He was missing for over FIVE HUNDRED YEARS.  He was finally found this past February underneath a parking lot.  What a bummer.  Five bucks says he's been haunting cars and making tires go flat. And before that, making carriage wheels fall off.  And before that, possessing horses.  Wow, five hundred years.  Sucks for you, Richie.





Lastly, because I'm all for women's equality and feminism...

Queen Elizabeth I, Tudor

Liz was the last ruler of the Tudor dynasty.  Daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth is known as one of the greatest monarchs in British history.  She was nicknamed "The Virgin Queen" for her refusal to marry, and though she had several suitors throughout her life (ie: booty calls), her virginity was celebrated throughout Britain.

Her reign is designated the Elizabethan Era or the Golden Age, due to the flourishing of poetry, literature and theatre. William Shakespeare was a major player during this time.  World exploration was also a priority for the British Empire. With all of the positive goings-on, poor Liz had a major bummer to deal with: she was constantly threatened by plots to have her killed and replaced with Mary, Queen of Scots.  Being a queen sucks sometimes.