Abnormal News Day

Normally I just pick one abnormal news story, but there are a few different stories that caught my attention this morning.  The kind of stories that make you do the head-tilt and "Say what?" noise.  You know, like dogs do. 

Just go with me on this.

Anyhoo, from cooking cats to plants growing inside the body, it's been a busy week in the weird news world.  So sit back, relax, have a cup 'o joe with a bagel, and enjoy.


Police discover cat "marinating" in car trunk

(I know, my first thought was "huh?" as well.)

According to MSN, a New York cop was performing a routine traffic stop when he heard meowing coming from the offender's trunk.  Further inspection led to the discovery of dude's adorable cat in a cage, covered in oil, crushed red peppers and chili peppers. 

I wish I had been there for the interrogation that followed.

Dude says his cat is ill-tempered, so as punishment he planned to COOK his cat.  Like a meal.  To eat. 

WHAT?!

Aside from the obvious questions, one particular stood out:

If you were going to cook the cat for eating purposes, wouldn't you shave his hair off first?

Just a thought. 

Thankfully the cat was rescued, cleaned and put up for adoption.  Vegans only need apply, please.


Woman uses diaper in traffic beef

The chick in this story takes road rage to a whole new level.

While leaving a county fair, two women got stuck in traffic, and for reasons unknown got into a dispute.  One of the women decided the best way to make her point would be to get down 'n dirty.  Literally.

She took a dirty diaper - from where, I'm not sure - and smeared baby poop all over the other woman's windshield.

I'd say she won that argument.  She was, however, charged with harrassment. 


Oxford says no to "faboosh" words

Been waiting patiently for words like "cankles" and "tanorexia" to show up in the Oxford English Dictionary so you'll have permission to use them in that English essay about the difference between Kirstie Alley and George Hamilton? 

Too bad.

According to Oxford's senior assistant editor Fiona Mooring, current slang will not be included in the OED until there is sufficient evidence of their usage, preferably in published writings over a period of time.

A few examples of words that have yet to be accepted:

Chimping: the action or practice of immediately reviewing each shot taken using a digital camera (I do that.)

Chin-strap: a type of beard, shaped in a narrow strip along the jawline

Faboosh: fabulous

Flashpacking: luxurious backpacking

Twetiquette: Twitter etiquette

So, if you're hoping to see OMG, IDK, chillax, and other text-talk or slang words show up in the dictionary, don't hold your breath.  It'll be a good decade or two. 

Until then we'll just have to stick with Urban Dictionary.


Moving on...


Plant grows in man's lung

This story is just beyond bizarre. 

Dude is eating dinner.  Let's say it's baked chicken.  As a side, he has green peas.  One of those little guys decides to go down the wrong pipe and settles in dude's lung.  Pea then over time begins to GROW into a pea PLANT inside dude's LUNG. 

WHAT?!

See the video below.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

You'll think twice before hoovering your peas next time, won't you? 

I will.

That's all the abnormal news for today, kids!

In case I don't see ya....

good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!

(I may make this my "signature"...)

Pizza, dreams and 2am craziness: A true story

Those of you who don’t have kids, let this be a cautionary tale. For those of you who do have kids, this will probably just be amusing.

It’s a confusing story - and I, myself, still have yet to completely wrap my head around it (probably due to sleep deprivation). So bear with me.

Here goes.

I don’t know if it was because of the pizza we ate for dinner last night, or my having watched the entire second half of season one of Gossip Girl, but my subconscious decided to give me strange dreams. When my dream began (or when I became aware of it) I was hanging out with Serena, Blair, Chuck and Dan at various social events, mocking the poorly dressed.

Then, suddenly, I was at a church about to renew my vows with my husband. I was angry with him because for some reason he had decided to dye the back of my hair (only a very small portion) pink, blue and purple as a joke. This is not something my husband would ever do, which made things considerably more confusing.

That strangeness transformed into a gathering of hundreds of people - some from my past, some current friends, some tv show characters. We were all waiting for something, but I never figured out what. My dream was interrupted by the bloodcurdling scream of my two-year old.

I remember being in dreamland and vaguely hearing my daughter scream. It was just loud enough to wake me up a bit. I lay in bed, disoriented but starting to gain my bearings, when my daughter screamed again. Some instinct inside me triggered, and I flew – more like pole-vaulted – out of the bed. (I say pole-vaulted because I have to climb over my husband to get out of bed, but I never even touched him.)

As I ran down the hallway, I could see light coming from their room. FIRE was the first thought, and if it’s even possible, I moved faster. I burst through the door, and then stumbled to a stop.

Hayden had woken up and apparently decided that she didn’t want to sleep anymore. She had turned on the bedroom light and preceded to start throwing toys into Anna’s crib, which woke her up as well.

So now I’m standing in the middle of my daughters’ room, wide awake myself, with my heart beating out of my chest, trying to make my brain work long enough to decide what to do with this.

Once reason returned, I did the logical thing and put a Disney movie on with the sound turned completely off, turned the lights back off, put the girls in bed and prayed they would just fall back asleep after watching the movie for a few minutes.

It worked.

Unfortunately for me, my brain insisted on replaying the entirety of my crazy dreams over and over again, mixed in with the midnight screaming/fire/children fiasco, which once I fell asleep made my dreams even more odd.


Ah, motherhood.

Abnormal News Day

I read regular news every day, and it's just entirely too depressing. Natural disasters, economic depression, murder, war, blahbety blah.

Sheesh.

Makes you seriously consider want to lock your doors and just stay inside. As long as you have satellite television, a cell phone and internet access, anyway.

And, of course, Doritos and sour cream.*

Which I do.

Thankfully, MSNBC provides a "Weird News" section to their website, and it has become my favorite news source. This giant corporation actually pays people to travel the world, searching for 911-dialing dogs, two-headed animals and really hairy men. It's fantabulous, really.

So, this morning as I was reviewing the weird news of the world, it was brought to my attention - via the large print and slide-show preview to the right of the page - that MSN actually does Weird Science Awards. No. Freaking. Way.

Well, of course I have to share my discovery with you. (I won't show all award-winners here, but check the link at the bottom of this post and it will direct you to MSNBC's page.) Off we go...

BREAKING NEWS:
In a German zoological vote, it has been deemed acceptable for homosexual penguins to adopt and raise babies.


Not really. You did make one of those WHAT?! faces after reading that though, didn't you?


Story goes like this: momma penguin hatches egg but wants to focus on her career and daddy penguin is a dead-beat, so they abandon baby penguin. Concerned for the fetus, zookeepers take a chance and place egg in cage of a known gay penguin couple.

That's right, folks. Gay penguin couple.


And how do they know said penguins are Boy George-ing it? Well apparently the boys were caught trying to mate. Naughty, naughty.


As was hoped, the happy couple incubated the egg for a month, then proceeded to care for the newborn penguin after it hatched.


(I'm not making this stuff up. Well, maybe the part about mom penguin and dad penguin, but the rest is true.)

Apparently scientists have found a way to grow bunny....ahem....parts. (Yes, the x-ray picture above is, in fact, a hare's one-eyed monster.)

I was a tad confused by this one, because 1) aren't there already enough reproducing rabbits in the world? and 2) can't a few competent males handle the existence of baby bunnies everywhere? I mean, the phrase "hump like rabbits" must have had some literal reference.

Either way, cheers to you, Bugs Bunny. Getcha some.

Researchers in Nevada discovered a blob (no, not the Blob. I just wanted to use that picture) of substance-dripping rock just hanging out about 50 miles beneath the surface. It's supposedly 60 miles wide, but scientists aren't concerned with it busting through the ground and taking over Las Vegas. At least, that's what they want us to think....

After decades of believing da Vinci's muse Mona Lisa to be a shy and somewhat unwilling model, a new discovery has us reconsidering. It looks like miss Mona was actually a foxy little thing. Supposedly hidden for almost a century within the walls of a library, the above painting shows a topless model bearing striking resemblance to the famed painted lady.

If these piqued your interest, be sure to check out the 69ing bats, glow-in-the-dark puppies and other abnormalities at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34712701/ns/technology_and_science-science

*If you've never tried Doritos and sour cream, I suggest you stop reading immediately, get in your car, drive to the nearest store, buy some and try it. It will ROCK.YOUR.WORLD.