April's A-to-the-Zizzle: I

I is for Ian.
Ian Somerhalder, that is.

Yowza.

I have a serious, full-on, drive-Hubs-crazy crush on this handsome actor/do-gooder/animal lover.  I'll admit, when I first heard of him via The Vampire Diaries, I didn't pay his looks much attention other than to despise him for being such a pain to Stefan and Elena.  I couldn't stand Damon Salvatore (which is a credit to his acting skills.  He plays bad SO good).  Then, weirdly, about halfway through the second season I was watching and suddenly thought dang, he's hot.  After that I was smitten kitten with one Ian Somerhalder.

Of course I had to Google him, and imagine my delight when I found out HE'S FROM THE SAME TOWN AS ME!  It was a sign from God.  Well, maybe not, but still.  How awesome is that?!  Then as I was researching I discovered that Ian is a hardcore philanthropist and animal lover.  He founded the Ian Somerhalder Foundation, or ISF.  ISF makes efforts to educate people around the world about energy conservation, animal protection and other awesome projects. Their mission statement is:  "The IS Foundation aims to empower, educate and collaborate with people and projects to positively impact the planet and its creatures." You can check out his website here.  What's hotter than a guy who loves animals and is trying to save the planet?

I mean, really, how can you not love this?

After drooling over Ian for a few weeks I informed Hubs that I was adding him to The List.  He objected on the grounds that Ian is from here and his family still lives here, and as such visits the area often.  Hubs says I'm more likely to have a shot at meeting Ian and thus be within my rights to engage in flirting and/or making out per the rules of our List Agreement.  (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, see my post about The List here.) I also tried to talk Hubs into letting me become a volunteer at the St. Tammany Humane Society, but he vehemently refused to let me because Ian is a financial supporter and frequent visitor to the shelter.  I pouted for a few days, but I haven't completely given up.

Of course, once I had a bonafied crush on Ian, I had to find out what else he's been in. I never got into the whole Lost hooplah, so I had no idea he played Boone.  I want to watch it just to check out his character, but at the same time I don't because rumor is he dies in it. Not cool, ABC.  Not cool.   He also had parts in a short-lived Dawson's Creek spin-off, multiple television series, The Rules of Attraction, The Tournament, Pulse, and various other films.   He also worked as a model in his early teens and twenties.  (There's a super hot picture of him in nothing but skivvies, but I didn't want to put it on here for Hubs' sake. Google it. It'll make your day.)

Word on the interwebs is that Ian is currently working on a new film and is up for several other roles, including the much-anticipated Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey.  The book series was crazy kinky, and I wasn't really all that interested in seeing the films, but if Ian is playing Grey, I'll be watching them for sure!

He's just....I don't even....what?

Now that I've probably weirded most of you out and made the rest of you uncomfortable, I'll wrap it up.

Happy "I" day!

Face Punch - it's back, baby!

It's 2011, and the Face Punch is back, ladies and gents.



I've had a gazillion comments from you guys telling me how much you loved - and now miss - the Face Punch posts.  I know a catered-to public is a happy public, and also I'm really in the mood to start bashing celebrities again.  So here we go...




Willow Smith
I know, I know, she's what - eight years old?  I can't help it though, because every time I hear that ridiculous, stupid, AWFUL song about whipping hair around, I just want to take the child, place her in an Amish home and leave her there for a good ten years or so.  I guess I should really be fussing at Momma and Daddy Smith, though.  ATTENTION HOLLYWOOD BABIES: Just because you're a child of celebrities does not mean you automatically have talent.  I'm almost afraid of what the Brangelina brood will attempt to do in the next few years.  Let me guess:  Shiloh will start a line of boyish-looking girl fashions, those boys will be a crime-fighting duo and the twins will have a relationship as uncomfortable to watch as Angie and her freakish brother.  Creepy.





Justin Bieber
He hasn't done anything terribly annoying as of late, but I just want to face punch him for taking up so much of the media for the past year.  I couldn't look at an issue of People magazine without seeing your stupid face, Bieber.  Oh, and doing compilations with other stars doesn't make you look cool, it makes them look pitiful.  They just want a piece of the pie.  Bieber fever, my a$$. And cut your hair, for crying out loud! You look stupid.







Reese Witherspoon
Now, 364 days of the year I have nothing but affection for Reese, but I was very much upset with her when I read that she's engaged to some agent guy after dating him for only ten months.  Um, Reese, you dated Gyllenhaal for like FOUR years and never even considered marrying that delicious piece of man, and now you want to marry average Joe?  I'm disappointed.  Now Jake has moved on to Taylor Swift, and she'll eventually be writing some annoying limerick about how Jake was so fake and can't make good cupcakes.  So two face punches to you:  1 for not hanging on to Jake, and 2 for the future song we'll all be subjected to.  For shame.





Jersey Shore Cast

I've never even watched this show, but I know I don't like it, and I know I never will like it.  Seriously, who has names like Snooki and JWoww?  I couldn't even watch MTV's New Year's Eve coverage because that Snooki chick was hosting.  One word:  trashy.  This is one trend I hope dies fast.  Like Superman fast. 

Heidi Spencer or Pratt or whatever her name is now

Just because I can.


Well that's all I've got for today, but I promise I'll make a genuine effort to do more Face Punch posts on a regular basis.  Love, peace and chicken grease, y'all!

Twitterpated Day

Don't ask me why (because I have no idea), but I woke up in one of those lovey-dovey moods. You know, where you want to cuddle and smooch your hunny bunny and tell him how much you just love his sweet face and all of that nonsense.  We'll call it

Twitterpated Day

Maybe it's due to the date (10-10-10).  I'm not superstitious at all, though.  So probably not. 

Anyhoo, I figured since I'm in such a smitten kitten mood, I'd list for y'all my most favorite celeb couples.  Some of them are no longer together, but I think they should be (and just so y'all know, I'm an excellent relationship judge. If I say you're compatible, then you are!).

Here they are, in no particular order:

Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens

I just can't get enough of these kids.  I think they're the cutest!

Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston

I know, I know.  I can't help myself.  I think they made a WAY
 hotter couple than he does with Angie (and her with John Mayer. Yuck!).

Kurt Russell & Goldie Hawn

Loved 'em in Overboard, and I still love 'em. 

Their love is a groovy kinda love. Just ask Phil Collins.

Sarah Michelle Gellar & Freddie Prinze, Jr.

They've been adorable since the mid-90s.  So cute!

Justin Timberlake & Britney Spears

You know, back before she got all crazy, shaved her head and stopped wearing underwear. 

Blake Lively & Penn Badgley

I thought they were sweet together even

before I realized how deliciously addictive Gossip Girl is.

Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey

I'm still angry at her for breaking his heart. 

Brad Paisley & Kimberly Williams-Paisley

They both just seem like the nicest, sweetest people....
and they named their boys Huck and Jasper.  How cute it that?!

Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner

I just want to hang out with her, and I'm so glad he dropped J-Lo.  Cuteness.

Well there you have it.  I was going to put Ryan Philippe and Reese Witherspoon on the list because I absolutely adored them together, but I really can't stand him since the whole Abbie Cornish fiasco. 

Hope y'all have a great week!



Fantabulous Friday

(Caution:  this blog could very well turn into a ranting session.  I apologize in advance.)

Yes indeedy, today was definitely fantabulous.  Personally, I had a great day.  If you had a bad day, here's a big hug from me to make you feel better:

Also, hopefully your day will get better due to the misery of others. 

Misery on Fantabulous Friday, you ask?  Surprisingly, yes.  However, misery for one Lindsay Lohan

makes for fantabulous entertainment for me (and you).  Plus, for once I'm proud of the judicial system in Hollywood. 

After failing a drug test a mere TWO weeks after leaving rehab, Lindsay showed up in court today most likely expecting a slap on the wrist and maybe the judge shaking a finger at her with a halfhearted, "Tsk tsk,"  before being released to rehab for another few weeks.  Much to her dismay, my new hero, Judge Fox, refused to set bail for Miss Lohan and ordered her back to jail until her next court date, over a month away.  My feelings on the matter are simple:

IT'S ABOUT TIME.

I'm sorry, but this whole special treatment for the famous bit is just ridiculous, and frankly I'm glad someone FINALLY put their foot down.  Time and time again these celebrities are given freebies for offenses that would land regular people in prison for months (or possibly years).  Hit and run?  No big deal, just don't do it again.  Arrested for cocaine?  Hey, it happens.  Just take a month off from partying and stay in a luxurious rehab.  Abuse dogs?  No biggie, just spend 21 months in jail, then get out and be paid exhorbitant amounts of money to play football. 

I am sick to death of this crap.  These people are given so many privileges as celebrities.  They have the money to do whatever they want, they can travel all over the world, experience so many things us normal folks only dream about.  Instead of doing something useful, contributing in some way or being a POSITIVE role model for the young impressionable people in the world, they think they're above the law and decide to dabble in drugs, sex tapes and every other scandal they can think of.  They assume they won't be held responsible for their actions because - let's face it - celebrities are hardly ever held responsible.

Don't get me wrong here.  I actually think Lindsay Lohan is talented.  I thought she was adorable in The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday.  I also LOVE Mean Girls.  The girl has a gift, and she insists on wasting it by spending most of her time high or drunk.  It's a sad, sad shame. 

Hopefully she'll actually learn a lesson this time. 

Hollywood Hooplah (with a little bit of Face Punch grouchiness thrown in)

While most of us normal citizens of the world are going about our unimportant little lives, the royalty of Hollywood continuously gives us excellent material for watercooler chats - or, more appropriately, blog posts.  Here's what's happening in the land of the beautiful this week...

Paris Hilton arrested for drugs......again

Looks like Lindsay and Paris are playing Prison Tag.

The infamous hotel heiress was busted last night in Las Vegas with COCAINE.  According to police, a vehicle was spotted with smoke wafting out of it that smelled suspiciously similar to marijuana.  A routine traffic stop revealed Paris and an unnamed male driver enjoying some reefer while they drove aimlessly through the city.  The arresting officer then found a substance in Hilton's pocket that was later determined to be cocaine. 

Wait, don't tell me....she'll use the same line Lohan used: "It wasn't my pants!"

Heidi has a change of......uh.....heart

With the attention from her split with Pratt dying down, the attention whore needed a new subject to whine to the press about, and this is it:  she regrets having her boobs done. 

Heidi has whined to MSN, MTV and anyone else who'll listen about her post-surgical enhancement depression.  She says, and I quote, "I'm desperate to go back to normal......It's heartbreaking. I can't live an everyday life." 

Oh, I'm so sorry that your huge fake boobs make your life miserable, Heidi.  You know, the ones you just HAD to have, along with the new nose and various other alterations.  God forbid you spend your money on a worthy cause, like, say the homeless or starving kids in Indonesia.  Nope, you spend ridiculous amounts of money on surgery to look like a Malibu Barbie, only to change your mind less than a year later. 

On top of this, she's COMPLAINING becauser her plastic surgeon DIED.  Yep, poor Doc dies in a tragic car accident, and all she cares about is that she now has to find a new doctor.  Could she be anymore selfish?

It's the Sean-Jean Battle of Words

Sean Penn is not happy with Wyclef Jean.  Not at all.

Penn made remarks about Jean's attempt to run for President of Haiti when the singer first made his intentions known.  Jean's candidacy bid was refused, which calmed activist Penn down a bit.  Earlier this week, however, Jean announced his plans to fight the decision and do whatever needs to be done to run for President.

Penn has really good points defending his position on the matter - I agree with all of them - which just makes Jean all the more angry and increases the name-calling.  Penn believes that Jean has used his celebrity in a useful way for the earthquake assistance, but that's where it should stop.  He made references to Jean's absense in Haiti during the last six months, as Penn has been there with various other celebrities participating in the relief effort.  Penn feels, as do I, that just because you're a celebrity does not mean you're qualified to run a country. 

Well that's all of the stuff going on in Hollywood right now that's even remotely interesting. 

Toodles!

Stepford Wife

We had a massive storm come through, and it was like the Wizard of Oz weather (only without the tornadoes and flying houses).  For a second I thought maybe there was a hurricane and everyone forgot to tell me.  We lost power, and I'm just chillin on the couch in the dark, sweating my a$$ off because it's August in Louisiana. 

Anyhoo, my mind's wandering, and somehow I go from thinking about the movie I was in the middle of when the power cut off (Porkys, by the way) to Katie Holmes.  Don't ask me how, because I have no clue...

I've always liked Katie.  Even when she was a moody, sullen teen on Dawson's Creek I still thought she was cute and semi-likable.  Later she grew up and seemed like a well-put-together, kind and fun adult.  Then one day out of the blue I see a magazine cover of her making out with Tom Cruise.  Hello, TomKat.

I was like WHAT?! It just seemed so odd to me, for a number of reasons:

First:  She's like three feet taller than him.  And the chick is always wearing heels, so make it three and a half feet taller.

Second:  He's old enough to be her dad (or even possibly a great uncle).  Creepy. 

Third:  I know he's Tom Cruise, but she's still out of his league.  I mean really, the dude's a weirdo. 

Don't get me wrong.  I used to like Tom.  Back when he was in Risky Business, Top Gun, A Few Good Men, he was cool.  I even thought he was slightly good-looking.  Then he started getting strange.  Made some weird movies, began with the whole scientology promotional tour, etc.  Something was awry, so to speak. 

So all of a sudden cutesy Katie Holmes is smitten kitten with creepy old Tom Cruise.  And they're making out. Everywhere.  Like the king and queen of Hollywood PDA.

Literally, it was getting ridiculous.  It was almost like they were trying to prove to everyone that they were actually a couple.  Which lead me to believe that maybe this was some sort of a scheme.

Soon after Katie is interviewed in a magazine and is asked about Tom.  She says something about how when she was a kid she had posters of him on her walls and she had the biggest crush on him and now she's dating him and how awesome is that....  All I could think was eww.

Then Tom goes on Oprah and is just SO SUPER EXCITED because he's found the love of his life and he wants to tell everyone about how he's brainwashed romanced Katie and he just LOVES HER SO MUCH.

Can we say crazy and a little bit uncomfortable?  I bet Oprah was thinking what the hell is this dude doing?  Is he going to jump on me?  Where's security?

Before we can even stop talking about that whole fiasco, news breaks that they're engaged.  After only dating for a few weeks. 

Curiouser and curiouser....

Then - SURPRISE - we find out Katie is pregnant.  Aha, says I.  Still, eww.

So the world waits patiently for the blessed event, and when it comes......nothing.  No pictures, no interviews, nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  A month goes by, and people start to wonder:  was it made up?  A publicity stunt?  Is there a baby at all?  Or is it just really ugly?  Speculation runs amok as paparazzi tries uselessly to catch a shot of the mysterious Suri Cruise.  Months later, Vanity Fair releases the first ever pictures of quite possibly the cutest baby ever born in the history of the world.

The kid's adorable.  It's really almost surreal how cute the child is.  Suri is obviously Tom and Katie's baby, because she is so stinkin' precious and looks like both of them.  So that ends the debates about the validity of Katie's pregnancy, blah blah blah.

Seven months later, TomKat takes the walk down the aisle in Italy.

The hoopla over their wedding is comical.  I've never seen so much media coverage for a celebrity wedding.  Ever.  They release a hundred pictures to magazines, and she's stunning and he's a charming little old midget man and they're just so sweet.....  so everyone says.  Still, it doesn't really make sense to me.

As time goes on, the gorgeous family is photographed everywhere, doing everything.  Taking Suri for ice cream, playing in the park, shopping, taking walks, et cetera.  Every event Tom and Katie go out to, they're hugging or kissing or he has that weird wrist grip on her that he does all the time.

It's like he pulls her everywhere.  Or maybe he's just afraid if he lets go she'll make a break for it...

As the pictures progress, that smile on Katie's face seems to get more and more fake (kind of like Joan River's face). The media starts debating whether or not Katie is really happy with Tom, or has he brainwashed her, is  he forcing her into Scientology....  interviews with her "friends" reveal that Katie is depressed and unhappy.   I lean more towards brainwashed.  Not in the sense that she's not capable of making her own decisions, but more that she got suckered into this whole thing, had a baby, and now she's stuck with him - whether due to morals or faith or reputation, whatever. 

It just seems like every time they're in public, it's all for show.  On her part, at least.  He's just the dork who won the wife lottery. 

My wish is that I could hang out with Katie, just for a few hours, and really have a conversation with her.  Like the conversations celebrities have on Dateline or 60 Minutes where they break down and sob hysterically into the camera about their childhood and all of their problems.  I'd like to know if Katie is really in love with Tom and happy, or if it's all for show. 

Either way, they do make quite a nice Stepford family.

Face Punch

Today I'm only going to vent frustration over one celebrity, mostly due to the magazine covers I've seen lately and an article in US Weekly I read earlier this week.  This face punch might cause heated discussion, and I'm okay with that. 

The unlucky celebrity this week is

ANGELINA JOLIE

I know, I know.  This is not a Team Jen/Team Angie thing here.  My frustrations with this woman are based on her behavior and the examples she has set for her children. 

The article in US Weekly details Angelina's tactics for "stealing" Brad from Jennifer.  Sources were supposedly close friends of hers - which I realize aren't always the most valid sources - who recall her using Maddox to win Brad's affections, planning opportunities for paparazzi to catch Brad with her and various other trickeries.

When Brad and Jennifer first separated, Brad and Angie both swore repeatedly that they were not having an affair, Brad leaving had nothing to do with Angie, etc.  Then - surprise! - Brad is photographed on a beach with Angelina and Maddox (which was one of the supposed planned photo ops).  Jennifer is crushed, fans are shocked, hate mail comes pouring in. 

Later Brad and Angie both make remarks in interviews about how they fell in love while shooting Mr. and Mrs. Smith (when Brad and Jen were still together).  This lets their children know that if you want someone, it's okay to pursue them, even if they're already married. 

To watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith, even with Brad and Angie being good actors, the real chemistry between them is obvious.  Anyone who's ever been attracted to another person could tell that these two were hitting the sheets long before the film wrapped. 

Adding insult to injury, they further embarrassed Jen by setting up a photo shoot with W Magazine, portraying a happy 60s couple with blond-haired, blue-eyed Brad clones running around them. 

Even worse was that news broke about Angie's being pregnant with Shiloh before Brad's divorce from Jennifer was even finalized.  It was like Angelina was doing everything she could think of to sink her claws into Brad and make certain he wouldn't get away.  I wouldn't put it past her to have gotten pregnant on purpose.  I mean, seriously, she's crazy.   We're talking about the same woman who had questionable closeness with her brother.  Eww.

To be honest, most people weren't surprised with Angie's going after Brad.  After all, she's hooked up with practically every male costar she's ever had.  (Does anyone else remember the whole Billy Bob Thornton's blood in a vial around her neck fiasco?) 

Why Brad would even consider leaving America's Sweetheart was just beyond me.  I couldn't wrap my head around it.  I mean, sure, Angie's HOT.  That scene in Wanted when she gets out of the water and you can see her entire backside and all of those tattoos...

I totally went lesbian during that scene.  (Don't worry, it went away.)

But Jen?  Sweet, adorable Jen?

I've loved her since she first showed up in Friends wearing a wedding dress.  She's the girl every woman wants as a best friend.  She's sweet, fun, and totally hot too, as shown in her most recent GQ spread:

See?  Hotness.

So as I'm writing, I'm starting to think maybe I am taking sides here.  I can't help it though.  I love Rachel Green.  She's awesome!

Anyhoo, to make my point - which I so carelessly wandered away from, what with all of the naked pictures of the two sexiest women in the world - Angelina should be less concerned with proving to everyone that she and Brad are happy, and more concerned with the example she's setting for her children. 

I don't care how much goodwill work she does (although I give huge kudos to celebrities who actually care about world issues and put their fortunes to good use), if she doesn't instill good morals in her children, they'll grow up to be liars, adulterers and vindictive people. 

So, Angie, I'm giving you a small - but still effective - face punch.

Things That I Just Do Not Understand

I have always taken pride in that I am quick-witted and considerably intelligent. I am always quick to come back with sarcastic comments, always get the jokes, and can hold interesting conversations with knowledgable people. There are some things, though, that I just do not understand. Here's a few:

1. Public interest in Heidi and Spencer.
2. The fact that the location of Michael Jackson's will is more important to the news websites than war, famine, political scandals and our current economic situation.
3. The fascination with Perez Hilton.
4. A new reality show being created every five seconds.
5. Grissom leaving CSI last season.
6. Donald Trump's hair.
7. Animals dressed as people and/or other animals.
8. Girls fighting over Bret Michaels.
9. Girls fighting over Flavor-Flav.
10.How that Madoff guy got away with it for so long.
11.How Joan Rivers is still able to blink.

So that's just a few of the things that I just simply do not understand. Maybe someday...