It's 2011, and the Face Punch is back, ladies and gents.
I've had a gazillion comments from you guys telling me how much you loved - and now miss - the Face Punch posts. I know a catered-to public is a happy public, and also I'm really in the mood to start bashing celebrities again. So here we go...
I know, I know, she's what - eight years old? I can't help it though, because every time I hear that ridiculous, stupid, AWFUL song about whipping hair around, I just want to take the child, place her in an Amish home and leave her there for a good ten years or so. I guess I should really be fussing at Momma and Daddy Smith, though. ATTENTION HOLLYWOOD BABIES: Just because you're a child of celebrities does not mean you automatically have talent. I'm almost afraid of what the Brangelina brood will attempt to do in the next few years. Let me guess: Shiloh will start a line of boyish-looking girl fashions, those boys will be a crime-fighting duo and the twins will have a relationship as uncomfortable to watch as Angie and her freakish brother. Creepy.
He hasn't done anything terribly annoying as of late, but I just want to face punch him for taking up so much of the media for the past year. I couldn't look at an issue of People magazine without seeing your stupid face, Bieber. Oh, and doing compilations with other stars doesn't make you look cool, it makes them look pitiful. They just want a piece of the pie. Bieber fever, my a$$. And cut your hair, for crying out loud! You look stupid.
Now, 364 days of the year I have nothing but affection for Reese, but I was very much upset with her when I read that she's engaged to some agent guy after dating him for only ten months. Um, Reese, you dated Gyllenhaal for like FOUR years and never even considered marrying that delicious piece of man, and now you want to marry average Joe? I'm disappointed. Now Jake has moved on to Taylor Swift, and she'll eventually be writing some annoying limerick about how Jake was so fake and can't make good cupcakes. So two face punches to you: 1 for not hanging on to Jake, and 2 for the future song we'll all be subjected to. For shame.
Jersey Shore Cast
I've never even watched this show, but I know I don't like it, and I know I never will like it. Seriously, who has names like Snooki and JWoww? I couldn't even watch MTV's New Year's Eve coverage because that Snooki chick was hosting. One word: trashy. This is one trend I hope dies fast. Like Superman fast.
Heidi Spencer or Pratt or whatever her name is now
Just because I can.
Well that's all I've got for today, but I promise I'll make a genuine effort to do more Face Punch posts on a regular basis. Love, peace and chicken grease, y'all!