Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Abnormal News Day

I haven't done one of these in a really long time, but I'm not entirely sure why. There's been plenty of abnormal news. Oh well. Here we go again...

First up, can I just say:

WHAT is up with birds falling from the sky and fish suddenly dying in massive amounts?

Image: Dead birdsAccording to MSNBC, something like 5,000 blackbirds just dropped from the sky a few days ago. All of them dead or dying. Autopsies revealed no illnesses or poison. Odd.

Then in the SAME STATE (Arkansas) over 100,000 fish suddenly died in a river.

A few days later, 500 more birds fell from the sky in Louisiana. Not near me, thankfully. I would have freaked out had massive amounts of birds just randomly begun falling from the sky.

Then today it was reported that more birds suddenly died and fell out of the sky in Sweden and Kentucky.

Is it me or does this seem sort of like a Stephen King novel? Where's Jack Nicholson? If he starts acting weird, I'm building a bomb shelter.

Unkillable Cow

The next time you come across a cow, use caution. According to the story of an elderly woman, her husband was out repairing a fence when he was attacked by a crossbred cow. She heard his screams and ran to his aid to find that he had already shot the cow at least once with his .22 caliber pistol.

In order to help her husband, she hit the cow repeatedly with her husband's truck, which apparently didn't affect the cow. After that she shot it in the face several more times. The cow STILL didn't die. It was, however, contained. The elderly man was sent to the hospital in critical condition.

In my head all I can picture is this:

Close inspection of the cow revealed that it had radioactive chemicals in its bloodstream.

Just kidding.

Had you there for a second, didn't I?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Movie Delight Monday - Tom Hanks Edition

"There's no crying in baseball!"

One of my favorite lines from any movie.  Ever.

Tom Hanks is the epitome of great actor.  He can do it all - drama, comedy, suspense, thriller.  I've never seen a movie of his that I didn't like.  A few months ago I put up a video on here of Tom doing the dance from Big, which is an excellent example of one of the reasons I like him so much.  He's so exhuberant and forceful and RIGHT THERE in your face.  I love it.  With the assumption that y'all love him as much as I do, I'm going to share my most favorite films of this totally awesome dude. 


Young Joshua finds an ancient fortune telling machine at a fair, makes a wish to be big and BAM - he's big.  Tom Hanks was amazing playing a twelve-year-old stuck in a grown man's body.  He was so believable.  Everyone's favorite scene is the big piano scene, but mine is in the stairwell at school when Josh is trying to prove to Billy that he's really Josh, so he does the little handshake song/dance.  Love it.

A League of Their Own

This movie has been a favorite of mine since it came out in 1992.  With a cast like Hanks, Geena Davis, Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell, who wouldn't love it?  Former pro baseball star Jimmy Dugan is drinking his retirement away, and while the men are all away at war, the baseball bigwigs decide to start a women's league.  Dugan is basically forced to coach, and on his team are the constantly bickering Dottie (Davis) and Kit (Lori Petty), loudmouth Doris (O'Donnell) and sexy party girl Mae (Madonna).  As the girls all come together and start winning games, Dugan starts paying attention.  He and Dottie butt heads a bit since she had taken over leadership while Dugan initially refused to take an active part in coaching.  The two eventually form a friendship, and we follow the team through the season. 

There are an abundance of one-liners in this film that crack me up no matter how many times I watch it.  A surprisingly funny character is Marla Hooch (Megan Cavanagh), the shy, really not pretty, really good player.

The Money Pit

Although this film came out in the 80s, I didn't see it until about five years ago after a friend had quoted it several times.  I figured, Tom Hanks, Shelly Long. Can't be bad.  I loved it!  Walter and Anna, after taking their relationship to the next level (and after Anna's rich boyfriend comes back to take over his apartment) and buy a "fixer upper."  From first glance the house seems to only have a few small problems.  Once the papers are signed and they move in, however, the house starts to fall apart - literally - piece by piece. 

The best scene is when Walter falls through the floor but is caught by the rug and ends up stuck in the hole for hours.  When Anna comes home, he shouts for her but when she's standing in the doorway she can't see him in the floor because a chair is blocking her view.  He keeps yelling, she keeps looking.  It's really a simple scene, but Hanks is hilarious. 

That Thing You Do!

I think even if I weren't a music lover, I'd still love this film (although the soundtrack is awesome.)  Many people don't care for this one at all, though I've never been given a specific reason why.   

Guy Patterson is stuck:  he's a grown man (20s), fought in the war, came home and started working for his father's appliance store.  He's dating a hottie (Charlise Theron) who is as superficial as you can get.  He's acquainted with some former classmates who have a band, although they haven't decided on a name yet.  Guy used to be a drummer for a band, but it had broken up.  This band, made up of Jimmy (Jonathan Schaech) the lead singer, Lenny (Steve Zahn) the guitar and backup vocals, Chad (Giovanni Ribsi) the drummer and the bass player (Ethan Embry - his character was given no name other than T.B. Player), along with Jimmy's girlfriend Faye (Liv Tyler), not in the band but always around. 

The day before a big talent show, Chad falls and breaks his arm, leaving the band without a drummer.  They ask Guy to help, and while practicing they come up with the name The One-ders.  The song they're planning to play is a ballad, but when he starts to play, Guy decides to pick up the tempo.  The song is "That Thing You Do" and it becomes an instant hit, catapulting the band to fame.  Enter Mr. White (Hanks), agent for Playtone Records.  White coaches the guys on how to look and act like stars, and leads them through the craze that follows. 

Zahn has the best lines in this film.  They're hilarious and sarcastic, and he delivers them perfectly. 

Forrest Gump

I know I was a Hanks fan early on, because for my 10th birthday instead of asking my mom for makeup or other 10-year-old fare, I asked for Forrest Gump.  On VHS.  I remember it exactly:  I was having my first ever boy-girl party, and I opened those presents eagerly, saving Mom's for last.  When I got to it, it was a medium-sized box, obviously too large to be a movie.  I unwrapped it dejectedly, opened the box and was shocked to see Forrest Gump nestled inside.  She bought it!  I made everyone stop what they were doing, and essentially put the party on hold, until we had all sat down and watched it.

If you've never seen this film, you either hate Tom Hanks or have been living under a rock.  Forrest (Hanks), from a very young age, was different from everyone else.  He walked funny, so he had to wear braces on his legs.  "Them was my magic shoes. Momma said they'd take me anywhere."  Only one person was his true friend, and that was pretty little Jenny from down the road. 

I love how Forrest, as a grown man, sits on a bench at the bus stop, just telling his story to anyone who comes along.  His story is funny, compelling, sad, embarrassing and romantic, all at the same time.  The supporting cast is excellent as well, with Robin Wright as Jenny,  Sally Fields as Momma (Mrs. Gump), Gary Sinise as Lt. Dan and Mykelti Williamson as Bubba.  It's a fairly long film, but you're captivated for the entirety of it, so you don't really care.  Hanks definitely deserved the Oscar he won for this role.

Hon. Mentions: You've Got Mail, The Green Mile, Saving Private Ryan, Toy Story and Sleepless in Seattle

 Did I miss any of your favorite Hanks films?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Face Punch - it's back, baby!

It's 2011, and the Face Punch is back, ladies and gents.

I've had a gazillion comments from you guys telling me how much you loved - and now miss - the Face Punch posts.  I know a catered-to public is a happy public, and also I'm really in the mood to start bashing celebrities again.  So here we go...

Willow Smith
I know, I know, she's what - eight years old?  I can't help it though, because every time I hear that ridiculous, stupid, AWFUL song about whipping hair around, I just want to take the child, place her in an Amish home and leave her there for a good ten years or so.  I guess I should really be fussing at Momma and Daddy Smith, though.  ATTENTION HOLLYWOOD BABIES: Just because you're a child of celebrities does not mean you automatically have talent.  I'm almost afraid of what the Brangelina brood will attempt to do in the next few years.  Let me guess:  Shiloh will start a line of boyish-looking girl fashions, those boys will be a crime-fighting duo and the twins will have a relationship as uncomfortable to watch as Angie and her freakish brother.  Creepy.

Justin Bieber
He hasn't done anything terribly annoying as of late, but I just want to face punch him for taking up so much of the media for the past year.  I couldn't look at an issue of People magazine without seeing your stupid face, Bieber.  Oh, and doing compilations with other stars doesn't make you look cool, it makes them look pitiful.  They just want a piece of the pie.  Bieber fever, my a$$. And cut your hair, for crying out loud! You look stupid.

Reese Witherspoon
Now, 364 days of the year I have nothing but affection for Reese, but I was very much upset with her when I read that she's engaged to some agent guy after dating him for only ten months.  Um, Reese, you dated Gyllenhaal for like FOUR years and never even considered marrying that delicious piece of man, and now you want to marry average Joe?  I'm disappointed.  Now Jake has moved on to Taylor Swift, and she'll eventually be writing some annoying limerick about how Jake was so fake and can't make good cupcakes.  So two face punches to you:  1 for not hanging on to Jake, and 2 for the future song we'll all be subjected to.  For shame.

Jersey Shore Cast

I've never even watched this show, but I know I don't like it, and I know I never will like it.  Seriously, who has names like Snooki and JWoww?  I couldn't even watch MTV's New Year's Eve coverage because that Snooki chick was hosting.  One word:  trashy.  This is one trend I hope dies fast.  Like Superman fast. 

Heidi Spencer or Pratt or whatever her name is now

Just because I can.

Well that's all I've got for today, but I promise I'll make a genuine effort to do more Face Punch posts on a regular basis.  Love, peace and chicken grease, y'all!