Saturday, August 28, 2010

Hollywood Hooplah (with a little bit of Face Punch grouchiness thrown in)

While most of us normal citizens of the world are going about our unimportant little lives, the royalty of Hollywood continuously gives us excellent material for watercooler chats - or, more appropriately, blog posts.  Here's what's happening in the land of the beautiful this week...

Paris Hilton arrested for drugs......again

Looks like Lindsay and Paris are playing Prison Tag.

The infamous hotel heiress was busted last night in Las Vegas with COCAINE.  According to police, a vehicle was spotted with smoke wafting out of it that smelled suspiciously similar to marijuana.  A routine traffic stop revealed Paris and an unnamed male driver enjoying some reefer while they drove aimlessly through the city.  The arresting officer then found a substance in Hilton's pocket that was later determined to be cocaine. 

Wait, don't tell me....she'll use the same line Lohan used: "It wasn't my pants!"

Heidi has a change of......uh.....heart

With the attention from her split with Pratt dying down, the attention whore needed a new subject to whine to the press about, and this is it:  she regrets having her boobs done. 

Heidi has whined to MSN, MTV and anyone else who'll listen about her post-surgical enhancement depression.  She says, and I quote, "I'm desperate to go back to normal......It's heartbreaking. I can't live an everyday life." 

Oh, I'm so sorry that your huge fake boobs make your life miserable, Heidi.  You know, the ones you just HAD to have, along with the new nose and various other alterations.  God forbid you spend your money on a worthy cause, like, say the homeless or starving kids in Indonesia.  Nope, you spend ridiculous amounts of money on surgery to look like a Malibu Barbie, only to change your mind less than a year later. 

On top of this, she's COMPLAINING becauser her plastic surgeon DIED.  Yep, poor Doc dies in a tragic car accident, and all she cares about is that she now has to find a new doctor.  Could she be anymore selfish?

It's the Sean-Jean Battle of Words

Sean Penn is not happy with Wyclef Jean.  Not at all.

Penn made remarks about Jean's attempt to run for President of Haiti when the singer first made his intentions known.  Jean's candidacy bid was refused, which calmed activist Penn down a bit.  Earlier this week, however, Jean announced his plans to fight the decision and do whatever needs to be done to run for President.

Penn has really good points defending his position on the matter - I agree with all of them - which just makes Jean all the more angry and increases the name-calling.  Penn believes that Jean has used his celebrity in a useful way for the earthquake assistance, but that's where it should stop.  He made references to Jean's absense in Haiti during the last six months, as Penn has been there with various other celebrities participating in the relief effort.  Penn feels, as do I, that just because you're a celebrity does not mean you're qualified to run a country. 

Well that's all of the stuff going on in Hollywood right now that's even remotely interesting. 


Friday, August 27, 2010

Fantabulous Friday

Oh, happy day.

It's CHICKA CHICKA YEAH Friday, y'all. School was great. I think I'm finally getting back into the swing of things (hey, don't judge, it's harder when you get old). Had my first test since starting back and ACED it like the genius my Mom thinks I am (love you Momma!). But enough of that...

I was pleasantly surprised to see stories popping up in the comments of my
post. I also received additional stories in my private email, and have had people asking if they could post a story in my NetworkedBlogs feed on Facebook. Before it's all over with I should have a plethora of stories to read to hubs, which is just FANTABULOUS. Apparently you folks like t-shirts. (But who doesn't?!)

So, although typically I'd make some sort of list of fantabulous things for y'all today, I have massive amounts of homework, studying and a project to work on, which will take up the majority of my weekend, so you'll just have to settle for this:

This dude - and I call him dude because he's obviously smoked something in his life - was out surfing with his buds and noticed


swimming around beneath them in the ocean. So what does he do? Does he jump up and run across the water (which I think I might be able to do if I saw a shark - I fully believe Jesus would help me out on this one) to safety, never to return to the water again? Oh, no. Not this dude.

He goes home, rigs a camera to a pole, GOES BACK OUT INTO THE WATER IN THE EXACT SAME SPOT the next day and records the GIANT SHARKS (there's two) swimming around them in circles. For thirty minutes.

I'm convinced this guy is missing brain cells, because honestly, WHO does that?! Did he never see Jaws?

Anyhoo, the video is below, so check it out and form your own opinions of crazy dude.

Oh and hey, if you haven't submitted a hilarious first date story yet, go to my previous post and DO IT (like Nike, but without the cool check mark).

And have a FANTABULOUS weekend!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Celebration, A Giveaway, An Anniversary & Another Blog Award

First up, let me give a big 'ol


to Philly Girl over at Confessions of a Philly Girl. I gave her the Awesome Blog Award a few weeks ago, and when she selected her favorite blogs, she picked me as one! So....I have been awarded the award that I made!


Here it is, in all of its awesome glory:
blog,blog award,awards,blogging award
I'm just uber-excited and feel all warm and fuzzy inside about it .

But enough of that...

There are two - count 'em, TWO - big announcements I need to make today.

Number One:

In a mere six days the hubs and I will celebrate our third anniversary.
Yep, three years ago September 1st we tied the knot, signed our lives away, bought the cow, made the big leap, said adios to the single life....and any/all other marriage-related phrases.

(You don't need to share congrats or well-wishes or anything, I just felt like sharing it with y'all since we're all BFFs here.)

Number Two (and the announcement YOU, THE READER will be more interested in):

In a few days I will hit the milestone of

100th POST!
This is me when I realized I'm nearing 100 (minus the fur and whiskers).

In ridiculously dramatic celebration of this momumentous occasion, I have decided to do a GIVEAWAY.

I never thought I'd do one of these, but we've all gotta cave sometime, right?

So, here we go with the contest explanation and prizes...

I want YOU


to comment (on this post) your most hilarious first date story. To be specific, it can be hilarious in a good way OR in a bad way (because sometimes bad can be funny). Include details, but don't give me a mini novel. I'll read the hubs all of your stories, and he (in his infinite wisdom) will pick the best story, aka Most Fantabulous.

I decided to go with first date stories partly because of our anniversary, but mostly because I like to laugh and you people are all so wonderfully entertaining.

Our Most Fantabulous winner will get their choice of one of the following AWESOME t-shirts from 80sTees (I will order whatever specific size you need):

(Note: If none of these tickle your fancy, feel free to browse the 80sTees website and maybe we can get you another t-shirt of your choice - be considerate and pick one of the $20 shirts though, please.)

The Most Fantabulous winner will be announced in my 100th Post Celebration (in about five days or so), which will be a post ALL ABOUT ME.

I know, you can't wait. It's okay to be excited.

So, if you have any questions (which you shouldn't because this was pretty detailed) about the contest or my general awesomeness, feel free to comment me or hit me up on the email:

Love, peace and chicken grease, y'all!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Why the 80s rocked

For those of us who grew up in the 80s, looking back we always refer to the decade as lame, in general.  The clothes were awful, the hair was really awful, and most of the music sucked, too.  However, if you really stop and think about it (or use the help of YouTube to jog your memory)  you'll realize the 80s weren't all that bad. 

The movies (for the most part) were excellent.  The cartoons were awesome, and, I'll admit it, those jellies were pretty cool too (even though they KILLED if you stepped on a rock).

I'm sharing with y'all a few videos I found that explain the greatness of the 80s - videos, movies, people, etc.  

This video lists basically everything good about the 80s (although it did leave out some stuff, obviously):

Some of the music:

And, of course I HAVE to add a John Hughes tribute:

What do you think were the best parts of the 80s?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ways to effectively agitate me

First, let me just say that I'm not an aggressive person.  I'm not short-tempered, ill-humored, moody, grumpy, mean or prone to PMS.  Sure, I have occasional bouts of complaining that occur - but who doesn't?  I'm generally a laidback, mellow kinda gal who just likes to laugh. 

That being said, there are a few specific things that very easily annoy me and will quickly turn me into sarcastically rude Jess (we don't like her, so it's best to keep her locked up). 

NOTE:  These will all be rated on a scale of  1 to Chris Brown, with Chris Brown being a 5, Mel Gibson drunken rage a 4, Mommie Dearest "No more wire hangers!" a 3, Kanye West proving a point a 2 and Elizabeth Hasselback rant a 1.

Not saying "Excuse me" when you bump into someone

Granted, this is a minor thing, but it's a pet peeve.  If you're walking down a hallway at school, or in a building, or if you're at a store, in the mall, wherever, and you bump into someone, just say, "Excuse me."  Please.  It's really not that hard to do, and it's common courtesy.  You know, that thing your momma taught you. 

Rating:  2

Interrupting me when I'm on the phone

Now, I know sometimes it can't be helped.  Let's say I'm chatting with my mother about the weather and the hubs is trying to pull a hot pan out of the oven before the dinner burns.  He might say, "Hey, where'd you put the oven mitts?"  That kind of interruption doesn't bother me.  However....

Let's say, for instance (this is completely hypothetical, by the way) I'm at work, and I'm in the middle of a phone call with an automated system - which I hate - and have maybe three more buttons to push before I reach the person I'm trying to get.  If you bust up into my office and insist on talking to me about something non-important (even after I make it quite obvious that I'm on the phone) to the point that I finally just give up and hang up the phone.....this is bad.  Very, very bad.  Because not only will I soon learn you interrupted my call for NO REASON WHATSOEVER, I will also have to redial and go through the tedious, time-consuming steps all over again.  Thank you very much.  You've just ticked me off. 

Rating:  4

Bad drivers

In the mood for a "Sunday drive" on a Monday?  That's fine, but don't do it between the hours of 6-8 and 2-6, please.  Some of us have jobs to drive to, school to go to, etc.  Most of us have a certain time to be there, so pretty please, could you save it for Sundays? 

(By "bad drivers," I'm referring to people who drive a good ten miles under the speed limit, take entirely too long to make turns, come to complete stops at stop signs - honestly, who does that?! -  and go 10 mph in school zones instead of the acceptable 25.) 

Rating:  1

People who are rude to servicepeople
(Waiters/waitresses, store clerks, checkout people, etc.)

We've all been waited on poorly, or had someone not be able to help us in a timely manner.  We've all felt like someone was incompetent at their job.  However, sometimes those people are just having a bad day, or a stressful day, and you're the jerk who decides to take it upon yourself to make them feel worthless and stupid.  I have to say to you:  GET OVER YOURSELF.   

I firmly believe that everyone - and I do mean everyone - should have to work in some form of customer service job for at least one year of their life.  Preferably as a young adult.  After dealing with a-holes for twelve months, you will never be rude to another serviceperson again.

Oh, and P.S.  Tip 15% people!!  If not that, at least the measely 10%.  Wait staff doesn't get paid as well as you would assume, and those tips are what makes up the difference.  If you don't want to tip, don't eat out!

Rating: 3
Last but not least, the straw that broke the camel's back:


So you did something you didn't plan to do.  You screwed up.  You hurt someone's feelings, gossiped, stole, cheated, basically something awful and now you're ashamed.  We all make mistakes, that's true, but when I ask you about it


A few reasons:
1.  I'll know.  I have actually studied the telltale signs to look for (the same ones detectives use in  
     interrogations).  Plus I can smell BS. 
2.  Once you lie to me, I will (probably) never believe you again.   Ever.
3.  I will lose all respect for you.  (Respect is earned, people, not given out.)

Basically, just tell me the truth.  It may suck at first, but eventually the bad thing will be resolved and forgotten, and you won't have to keep telling lies to cover the original one (which always happens).

Let's all just be honest for a change, eh? 

Rating: 5

So, now that we all know what NOT to do around Jess, we can go on and have great, wonderful, fantabulous friendships. 


Monday, August 23, 2010

Movie Delight Monday

I woke up this morning in a great mood - don't ask me why.  Yes, I'm aware that it's Monday. Maybe I'm still on the "I'm a college student again" high I've been riding since last week. 

As has become Monday tradition here, today is


For today's pick, I'm going with an 80s movie based in the 60s.  It stars one of my favorite 80s chicks, Phoebe Cates.  The soundtrack is rockin and the clothes are awful.  That's right folks, I'm talking about

The film starts out with four best friends heading off for one last weekend together as young single women.  Carson (Cates) is getting married soon to a doofus named Harlan, and her friends want her to let loose and enjoy herself.  Bridget Fonda plays Melaina, wild preacher's daughter who just wants to meet boys and be famous.  Page Hannah is Luanne, the senator's daughter and a terribly uptight girl.  Annabeth Gish is Pudge, the formerly fat friend who loves to dance. 

The girls tell their parents they're going to Fort Sumpter for the weekend, but instead head to Myrtle Beach where Luanne's parents own a summer home.  They immediately meet two local guys, Buzz and Chip, and shenanigans ensue.

While Melaina is worried about winning Miss Sun Queen so she can meet celebrity Jimmy Valentine and get revenge on two slutty locals, Pudge is befriending Chip, Carson is fighting off advances from Buzz and Luanne is fussing over everything.  Pudge decides to teach Chip how to Shag (a popular dance) so they can enter the big end of summer shag contest. 

This film has always been one of my favorites, mostly because of the soundtrack, but also because of the friendship between the girls and how each of them learn something pivotal about themselves over the weekend.  It's about knowing who you are as a person and who you want to be, despite what you were taught and what's expected of you. 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Face Punch

First of all, I want to say


to all of you sweet, wonderful people who left comments and gave much encouragement after my last post.  I sincerely appreciate all of you taking time out of your days to not only read my blog, but also comment frequently.  I'd make out with all of you if it wouldn't upset the hubs.

Secondly, I've been given the
AGAIN by the lovely Serena at I Left My Heart In London.  That's the third time this week.  It's so great to get recognition from people like you, Serena, as well as the others who have recently gifted me with awards.   This is for y'all:
Anyhoo, enough of the warm & fuzzy.  I've recovered from my exhaustion and found that I have plenty of energy to be annoyed today.  So let us begin with today's FACE PUNCH....

Lady Gaga

I know she's, like, EVERYONE'S favorite singer right now.  She's the twitter queen.  She's setting records and selling out concerts and will probably win every MTV VMA there is come September. 

So I did like "Bad Romance,"  but that's it.  The rest of it is all just terribly annoying to me.  I can't stand her ridiculous outfits, the hair, the makeup, the videos ALL over YouTube.

Basically my affection for Gaga has gone down the drain.  Our romance has gone bad, if you will.  (Hehe)  

Sorry Lady G, but you get a small face punch from me.  The only way to redeem yourself would be to scare Justin Bieber right out of the music business.  


I've never liked Nascar.  Ever.  I don't understand at all why someone would want to watch fifity cars drive around in circles for hours on end.  Yeah, I get that the crashes are cool.  Still, that's not enough to convince me to watch. 

Nascar isn't pasted all over the news or anything, but I was unfortunate enough to overhear a thirty-minute conversation about it yesterday, and that was all it took for me to want to give them all a nice big face punch.


I had to use this picture because it's proof that Heidi is a big fat liar.  Or, rather, a tiny, bleached-blonde plastic liar.  We all know they're attention whores.  We all know they'll fake a divorce just to get their pictures pasted all over magazine covers.  Basically, we all know they suck. 

I wish everyone would protest Speidi, just long enough for them to be banned forever from Hollywood, television, magazines and Entertainment Tonight. 

Government Officials and their spouses taking advantage of their positions by going on many unnecessary and frivolous vacations and calling them "visits to address situations"

I'm not naming any names (mostly because I don't want the CIA reading my blog.  They have no sense of humor), but there are some people  - who are high up on the importance list -  I feel are taking advantage of the free plane and accommodations set aside for political use, and instead using them for vacations. 

Now, it's true that if I had the opportunity, I'd probably want to take one or two trips to some exotic locations.  However, I would not take trips to places dealing with natural, ecological and other disasters with the front of a political visit, and instead go shopping and lay out. 

Just saying. 

So, teensy tiny face punch to you, unnamed people, because I want to continue to use my right of free speech via this blog.  Also, I don't want to be put on anyone's watch list.