Face Punch

Today I'm only going to vent frustration over one celebrity, mostly due to the magazine covers I've seen lately and an article in US Weekly I read earlier this week.  This face punch might cause heated discussion, and I'm okay with that. 

The unlucky celebrity this week is

ANGELINA JOLIE

I know, I know.  This is not a Team Jen/Team Angie thing here.  My frustrations with this woman are based on her behavior and the examples she has set for her children. 

The article in US Weekly details Angelina's tactics for "stealing" Brad from Jennifer.  Sources were supposedly close friends of hers - which I realize aren't always the most valid sources - who recall her using Maddox to win Brad's affections, planning opportunities for paparazzi to catch Brad with her and various other trickeries.

When Brad and Jennifer first separated, Brad and Angie both swore repeatedly that they were not having an affair, Brad leaving had nothing to do with Angie, etc.  Then - surprise! - Brad is photographed on a beach with Angelina and Maddox (which was one of the supposed planned photo ops).  Jennifer is crushed, fans are shocked, hate mail comes pouring in. 

Later Brad and Angie both make remarks in interviews about how they fell in love while shooting Mr. and Mrs. Smith (when Brad and Jen were still together).  This lets their children know that if you want someone, it's okay to pursue them, even if they're already married. 

To watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith, even with Brad and Angie being good actors, the real chemistry between them is obvious.  Anyone who's ever been attracted to another person could tell that these two were hitting the sheets long before the film wrapped. 

Adding insult to injury, they further embarrassed Jen by setting up a photo shoot with W Magazine, portraying a happy 60s couple with blond-haired, blue-eyed Brad clones running around them. 

Even worse was that news broke about Angie's being pregnant with Shiloh before Brad's divorce from Jennifer was even finalized.  It was like Angelina was doing everything she could think of to sink her claws into Brad and make certain he wouldn't get away.  I wouldn't put it past her to have gotten pregnant on purpose.  I mean, seriously, she's crazy.   We're talking about the same woman who had questionable closeness with her brother.  Eww.

To be honest, most people weren't surprised with Angie's going after Brad.  After all, she's hooked up with practically every male costar she's ever had.  (Does anyone else remember the whole Billy Bob Thornton's blood in a vial around her neck fiasco?) 

Why Brad would even consider leaving America's Sweetheart was just beyond me.  I couldn't wrap my head around it.  I mean, sure, Angie's HOT.  That scene in Wanted when she gets out of the water and you can see her entire backside and all of those tattoos...

I totally went lesbian during that scene.  (Don't worry, it went away.)

But Jen?  Sweet, adorable Jen?

I've loved her since she first showed up in Friends wearing a wedding dress.  She's the girl every woman wants as a best friend.  She's sweet, fun, and totally hot too, as shown in her most recent GQ spread:

See?  Hotness.

So as I'm writing, I'm starting to think maybe I am taking sides here.  I can't help it though.  I love Rachel Green.  She's awesome!

Anyhoo, to make my point - which I so carelessly wandered away from, what with all of the naked pictures of the two sexiest women in the world - Angelina should be less concerned with proving to everyone that she and Brad are happy, and more concerned with the example she's setting for her children. 

I don't care how much goodwill work she does (although I give huge kudos to celebrities who actually care about world issues and put their fortunes to good use), if she doesn't instill good morals in her children, they'll grow up to be liars, adulterers and vindictive people. 

So, Angie, I'm giving you a small - but still effective - face punch.

Fantabulous Friday

First, let me say that today is in and of itself FANTABULOUS for two specific reasons:

1.  I was featured on blogging pal Nicole's blog It's All Random today.  Yay! Thanks, Nicole.

2.  On another blog I follow, Girl About Business, I won a giveaway contest, and will soon be the happy owner of a new book!

So go check out my friends and give them some love, because, well, they're fantabulous!

For today's post, I decided to get all melancholy on y'all and talk about the past.  Our subject for today:

THE 90s

Yep, I'm going to give y'all the best (and worst) fads of the early 90s. 

THE MUSIC

We had MC Hammer telling us we couldn't touch this, Vanilla Ice bragging about how gangster he was, New Kids on the Block serenading us, the Spice Girls telling us what we want, what we really really want, and Hanson Mmmbopping us to death. 

As much as we all try to deny it, the music we danced around to was - for the most part - terrible.  But at the time, we loved it!

THE MOVIES

Buffy was a badass, Clueless started the "whatever" craze, Forrest Gump told us about his momma, Jurassic Park made us afraid of dinosaurs and Austin Powers made us want to ask, "Shall we shag now or shag later?" I don't care what anyone says, films from the 90s were some of the best there are.  Yeah, baby!

THE TELEVISION

I could go on for days about all of the shows I watched in the 90s that I still love to this day.  There was Saved by the Bell, Blossom, Boy Meets World, Family Matters, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Alex Mac, Hey Dude, Clarissa Explains it All, All That, Salute Your Shorts, TRL, Singled Out, My So-Called Life, Daria, Real World, just to name a few.  Loved 'em all!

Now for some of the biggest - and most annoying/awful fads there were:

POGS

When I was in fourth grade these things took over our school.  I'm not kidding, it was Pog-a-palooza at every lunch break, recess break, before and after school and sometimes during class.  Eventually our school banned them completely.


SPANDEX PANTS WITH NEON SOCKS
SCRUNCHED DOWN AND HIGH TOP SHOES

Seriously, I don't know who thought this looked good, but everyone was wearing it.  Kids, moms, teenagers, everybody.  We also wore oversized t-shirts and tied the ends in a knot or used one of those little circle things.  Thought we were so cool.                                                       

TROLL DOLLS

                                                                                 

My older sister had about fifty of these evil little dolls.  I hated them.  They creeped me out. 

SCRUNCHIES

Between me and my sister, we had about two hundred of these things.  Every color you could think of, polka dots, stripes, plaid, logos, some with characters on them, tye-dyed... 

I don't know where they all disappeared to.  I imagine Mom donated them to Goodwill.  So maybe someone, somewhere is still stylin' the scrunchy.

SURGE    

                                                                                                  

This drink hit our area seemingly overnight and it was what everyone was drinking.  Tasted like Mountain Dew with twice as much sugar and carbonation, but we drank it anyway.  So glad it fizzed out quickly.

That's all I've got for today.  Partly because my brain is tired, and partly because I got tired of googling pictures of this stuff!

Makes you want to dig through your attic and find your old clothes for a flashback fashion show, doesn't it?  And while you're at it, pull out the old pogs and have a tournament.

No?

Me neither.

Great, now the tweens are giving us life advice

Apparently grown ups have a lot to learn about life, and who better to educate us than superstar megastar pop sensation famous dude Justin Bieber? (I just can't work up the appropriate enthusiasm.)

According to MSN, "Bieber fever" has run amok throughout the world, and as such has provoked the be-bopping dwarf to write a memoir.

Of his life.

All sixteen years of it.

Publisher HarperCollins says the book will entail his "amazing journey to stardom." Wow, I wonder what wisdom the great Justin will impart on us all?

Hair tips?

No thanks, we've got Zac Efron for that.

RAWR.

Dance moves?

Already been done by Justin, Usher and Britney.

Yummy.                      Pre-crazy.                     Yummy.

Life on the road?

If I wanted to hear about the life of someone on tour, it would be Aerosmith, Guns 'n Roses, Pantera, etc. NOT someone who's still in Nickelodeon's viewing range.

It's The Man, man.

Love advice?

Ha.ha.ha.ha.

I can't help but ask, when does the madness stop?! I mean really. A MEMOIR. By a TEENAGER. What could he possibly tell us about? His curfew? Mom making him clean his room between concert tours and interviews? Maybe he'll tell us all about the crush he has on his babysitter.

If we could all just stop, sit a moment and think, I'm sure we'd all see how completely ridiculous this is. Well, most of us already know how ridiculous this is. It's the stupid people - people like whoever came up with the term "Bieber fever" - who need convincing.

I'd also like to meet the idiot who came up with this brilliant idea. You, sir (and let's be honest, we know this was a man's idea), would get a massive face punch. However, today is not Face Punch Day, so you're safe. For now...

To be continued.......

Pizza, dreams and 2am craziness: A true story

Those of you who don’t have kids, let this be a cautionary tale. For those of you who do have kids, this will probably just be amusing.

It’s a confusing story - and I, myself, still have yet to completely wrap my head around it (probably due to sleep deprivation). So bear with me.

Here goes.

I don’t know if it was because of the pizza we ate for dinner last night, or my having watched the entire second half of season one of Gossip Girl, but my subconscious decided to give me strange dreams. When my dream began (or when I became aware of it) I was hanging out with Serena, Blair, Chuck and Dan at various social events, mocking the poorly dressed.

Then, suddenly, I was at a church about to renew my vows with my husband. I was angry with him because for some reason he had decided to dye the back of my hair (only a very small portion) pink, blue and purple as a joke. This is not something my husband would ever do, which made things considerably more confusing.

That strangeness transformed into a gathering of hundreds of people - some from my past, some current friends, some tv show characters. We were all waiting for something, but I never figured out what. My dream was interrupted by the bloodcurdling scream of my two-year old.

I remember being in dreamland and vaguely hearing my daughter scream. It was just loud enough to wake me up a bit. I lay in bed, disoriented but starting to gain my bearings, when my daughter screamed again. Some instinct inside me triggered, and I flew – more like pole-vaulted – out of the bed. (I say pole-vaulted because I have to climb over my husband to get out of bed, but I never even touched him.)

As I ran down the hallway, I could see light coming from their room. FIRE was the first thought, and if it’s even possible, I moved faster. I burst through the door, and then stumbled to a stop.

Hayden had woken up and apparently decided that she didn’t want to sleep anymore. She had turned on the bedroom light and preceded to start throwing toys into Anna’s crib, which woke her up as well.

So now I’m standing in the middle of my daughters’ room, wide awake myself, with my heart beating out of my chest, trying to make my brain work long enough to decide what to do with this.

Once reason returned, I did the logical thing and put a Disney movie on with the sound turned completely off, turned the lights back off, put the girls in bed and prayed they would just fall back asleep after watching the movie for a few minutes.

It worked.

Unfortunately for me, my brain insisted on replaying the entirety of my crazy dreams over and over again, mixed in with the midnight screaming/fire/children fiasco, which once I fell asleep made my dreams even more odd.


Ah, motherhood.

Reasons I LOVE Friends (the tv show, not my actual friends. Because, let's be honest, you really don't care about the latter.)

I've been patiently waiting for the hubby to go through his entire Star Trek: DS9 dvd collection (do you know how many discs are in each season?  SEVEN!) for the past few weeks. 

We own several different television shows on dvd.  His favorites are Star Trek and the other Star Treks.  He has something like three different versions of that show on dvd.  One has William Shatner, one has that bald guy - Mr. Xavier? - and the other is the DS9 with the guy I dislike the least, Captain Sisko.

My favorites are NCIS, Will & Grace, Sex & the City, The Girls Next Door and, of course, FRIENDS.  (The hub actually really likes Friends too, so it's a win-win on that one.)

I've watched the entire series through at least four times, not counting the original runs and all of the reruns I've watched on TBS (very funny).

So, since we will start watching my beloved show again tonight, I felt it necessary to share with you guys a list of my most favorite episodes/scenes/quotes from the 10-year run.  Obviously it would take days to list all of my favorites, but I've painstakingly narrowed it down to a few.  I'm including video clips of the favorite moments, courtesy of Youtube.  (Note:  I was quite frustrated to learn that some of the very best Friends moments are not available on youtube. Major suckage.)

Here they are, in no particular order:

The "Pivot!" scene from The One With The Cop

The "Who knows who best" game in The One With the Embryos

Ross Playing the Keyboard from The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line

The One With The Prom Video

"They don't know we know they know we know!" from The One Where Everybody Finds Out

I couldn't find one with the majority of the hilarious conversations, so I had to settle for this one.  When Phoebe "seduces" Chandler hoping to get a confession out of him.

"Ah, salmon skin roll" from The One with Unagi

As a little bonus, I've also added some funny Friends bloopers:

Ah, my dear Friends.  How I love thee.

Movie Delight Monday

Well it's Monday here in Lousyana, where you can get heat stroke from merely walking to the mailbox.  I'm not kidding. My Mawmaw's porch thermometer read 109 today.  That's just ridiculous.  I thought hell froze over in February......

Anyhoo, you all know what time it is:

MOVIE DELIGHT MONDAY.

I know you've waited eagerly since last week, on the edge of your proverbial seats in anticipation of the next amazing film treasure I'll choose to share with you. 

The movie I've chosen for today is a film that - surprisingly - many people have never seen.  I saw it for the first time as a freshman in high school.  I was staying over at my uncle's house, and while perusing his VHS collection came across it.  Although I'm sure my mother would have freaked had she known, my uncle let me and my sister watch it anyway.

Years later when my mom saw it in my dvd collection, she laughed and called it the "American Pie" of her generation.

Ladies and gents, I present to you

That's right.  The lewd, sex-filled, genitalia-palooza that is Porky's. 

This movie is like the Ghandi of teen sex comedies. 

Some history on the film:

Written and directed by Bob Clark (he also directed "A Christmas Story"), the film was released in 1982 and stars a handful of unknowns along with a young (and brunette) Kim Cattrall. 

Based in the early 1950s Florida, a group of horny teenage boys just want to get laid.  They also play basketball and torment PE Coach Balbricker, but mostly they spend their time thinking about sex.  

Pee Wee is the Jim (think American Pie) of the group, always embarrassing himself and the last to get jokes.  He's desperate to lose his v-card, so much so that he's willing to get with anyone who's willing.  Anyone.

Billy and Tommy are the ringleaders of the group.  They come up with all kinds of shenanigans for the guys to get into.  Girls tend to favor these two.

Mickey is the redneck, always looking for a good time - or a fight.  Meat is the tough guy, and supposedly nicknamed for his, um.....appendage. 

The guys have one main girl friend, Wendy, who's as dirty-minded as the boys, and always up for practical jokes.  She's also easy.

Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?  Mike Hunt?

So, the guys come up with a plan to visit a gentleman's club called "Porky's" in the hopes of bagging one of Porky's girls.  They're all underage, but head across county lines and get into the club with fake IDs.  Porky pulls one over on the guys and embarrasses them, but only after taking their money.  The boys plan revenge...

In the meantime, Billy and Tommy have found  a way to spy on the girls in the locker room at school...

Coach Balbricker sort of gets a glimpse of one of the boys, leading to a hysterical scene in the principal's office. 

Speaking of Coach Balbricker, she's a grumpy old woman who very much dislikes the growing attraction between the new girls' gymnastics coach Miss Honeywell  (Kim Cattrall) and the boy's assistant coach Mr. Brackett. 

THIS romance leads to another hysterical scene, this time in the gym's laundry room. 

All in all, Porky's is full of double entendres, innuendos and flat-out raunchy sex comedy.  I highly recommend it to anyone who's not offended by a glimpse (or more) of both male and female private parts. 

If you like this one, also check out Porky's II: The Next Day and Porky's Revenge.

Snapshot Sunday (aka I have blogger's block and want to share a ridiculously cute picture with you guys)

My baby girls and their cousin