Thursday, April 25, 2013

V is for Villains

Scarface.  Hannibal.  Darth Vader.  Jack Torrence.  Principal Rooney.  These are just a few of the baddest dudes in the history of villains.  Some are evil enough to give even the manliest man nightmares, and others are just hysterically awful - or awfully funny. 

These are the best fictitious villains EVER, according to me.

The Joker (The Dark Knight) - Heath Ledger

Ledger was so disturbingly convincing in this role that no one was surprised to learn the actor had trouble sleeping after portraying the Joker. 

Favorite evil act:  Doing the "magic" trick to the mafia guy with the pencil.  Eww.

Favorite evil quote:  "See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve."

Megamind - Will Ferrell

This dude was hilarious.   He wanted to be evil so badly, but he just couldn't pull it off.   His only goal is to defeat Metro Man and run Metro City.

Favorite evil act:  Walking down main street in Metro City blaring "Back in Black" on a boombox.

Favorite evil quote:  "Uh, yes, the spyiiiiiider. Even the smallest bite from...arachnis deathicus... will instantly paralyze... ARRGH! GET IT OFF!"

Dr. Evil (Austin Powers films)- Mike Myers

The most ridiculously funny bad guy ever.  Spends all of his time either frozen in space or trying to take over the world by defeating Austin Powers.

Favorite evil act: Busting out of prison with Mini-me after rapping with the inmates.

Favorite evil quote: "I'm one crazy mofo.  I had to pop a cop 'cause he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown.  No?  I heard that somewhere..."

Annie Wilkes (Misery) - Kathy Bates

Psycho single lady who "rescues" injured author then holds him prisoner because she loves him so much. 

Favorite evil act:  Hobbling Paul after he tries to escape.  I can't even watch that scene.  Once was enough. 

Favorite evil quote:  "Now the time has come. I put two bullets in my gun. One for me, and one for you. Oh darling, it will be so beautiful."

John Doe (Se7en) - Kevin Spacey

A killer obsessed with the seven deadly sins.  I could only watch this movie once.  The scenes are so disturbing and the ending so awful I just can't stand to go through it again. 

Favorite evil act: *SPOILER ALERT* Well, none of them were "favorites" but the worst thing he did in my opinion is the last thing he did:  Tracy's head delivered to Mills in a box.

Favorite evil quote:  "I admire you. I don't know how you found me, but imagine my surprise. I respect you law enforcement agents more everyday."

Michael Myers (Halloween)

Psychotic boy murders sister, spends years in a mental institution, escapes and decides to take it out on young folks everwhere.  For twenty-something years.  That's dedication.

Favorite evil act:  Well, the dude just never dies.  What freaks me out the most by Michael is when he does that head-tilt thing, as if he's considering.  CREEPY.

Favorite quote (since Michael didn't talk, I'm going with Dr. Loomis): "I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...evil."

Col. Nathan Jessup (A Few Good Men) - Jack Nicholson

Yeah, he ordered the Code Red.  What about it?  The ultimate B.A. himself, Mr. Nicholson. 

Favorite evil act:  His five minute rant during the trial. 

Favorite evil quote: "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post."

Joan Crawford (Mommie Dearest) - Faye Dunaway

The first time I watched this momma I decided I would never complain about my Mom.  Ever. 

Favorite evil act:  The entire wire hangers scene.

Favorite evil quote:  "NO WIRE HANGERS!!!"  Duh.

Stu and Billy (Scream) - Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich

I figured out Billy right off, but Stu was a surprise.  He was so funny you hated to see him bite it at the end. 

Favorite evil act:  Opening scene.  Brilliant.

Favorite evil quote:  "My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!"

Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) - Anthony Hopkins

Quite possibly one of the most terrifying characters ever, and he's not even the main killer in the film. THAT's talent.

Favorite evil act:  Stealing the guard's face to escape. 

Favorite evil quote:   "I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner."

Sue Sylvester (Glee) - Jane Lynch

 She has the best one-liners and is always primed for a fight with Will.  Honestly though, I much preferred her in seasons 1 and 2.  Now she's a softie.  What a bummer. 

Favorite evil act:  Marrying herself.  Because she would never love anyone else as much as she loves herself.

Favorite evil quotes: 

 "By the way, you cry more than Michael Landon in 'Little House on the Prairie' during sweeps week."

"Santana! Wheels! Gay kid! Asian! Other Asian! Aretha! Shaft!"

"Oh I will bring it, William. You know what else I'm gonna to bring? I'm gonna bring some Asian cookery to wipe your head with. Cause right now you've got enough product in your hair to season a wok."

"Your resentment is delicious."

"It is my strong recommendation that both of these students be hobbled."

"I'm gonna take your house, your car and your extensive collection of vests. I mean, seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom."

"If that list is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face."

Well there you have it.   Did I miss any totally awesome villains?  Hubs is currently mad at me for not picking Darth Vader.  I told him to write his own blog. 

1 comment:

  1. I love the Sue quotes :) Also, the last bit about you telling hubs to write his own blog made me seriously laugh out loud!