Abnormal News Day

I haven't done one of these in a really long time, but I'm not entirely sure why. There's been plenty of abnormal news. Oh well. Here we go again...

First up, can I just say:

WHAT is up with birds falling from the sky and fish suddenly dying in massive amounts?

According to MSNBC, something like 5,000 blackbirds just dropped from the sky a few days ago. All of them dead or dying. Autopsies revealed no illnesses or poison. Odd.

Then in the SAME STATE (Arkansas) over 100,000 fish suddenly died in a river.

A few days later, 500 more birds fell from the sky in Louisiana. Not near me, thankfully. I would have freaked out had massive amounts of birds just randomly begun falling from the sky.

Then today it was reported that more birds suddenly died and fell out of the sky in Sweden and Kentucky.

Is it me or does this seem sort of like a Stephen King novel? Where's Jack Nicholson? If he starts acting weird, I'm building a bomb shelter.

Unkillable Cow

The next time you come across a cow, use caution. According to the story of an elderly woman, her husband was out repairing a fence when he was attacked by a crossbred cow. She heard his screams and ran to his aid to find that he had already shot the cow at least once with his .22 caliber pistol.

In order to help her husband, she hit the cow repeatedly with her husband's truck, which apparently didn't affect the cow. After that she shot it in the face several more times. The cow STILL didn't die. It was, however, contained. The elderly man was sent to the hospital in critical condition.

In my head all I can picture is this:













Close inspection of the cow revealed that it had radioactive chemicals in its bloodstream.






Just kidding.

Had you there for a second, didn't I?

Abnormal News Day

Normally I just pick one abnormal news story, but there are a few different stories that caught my attention this morning.  The kind of stories that make you do the head-tilt and "Say what?" noise.  You know, like dogs do. 

Just go with me on this.

Anyhoo, from cooking cats to plants growing inside the body, it's been a busy week in the weird news world.  So sit back, relax, have a cup 'o joe with a bagel, and enjoy.


Police discover cat "marinating" in car trunk

(I know, my first thought was "huh?" as well.)

According to MSN, a New York cop was performing a routine traffic stop when he heard meowing coming from the offender's trunk.  Further inspection led to the discovery of dude's adorable cat in a cage, covered in oil, crushed red peppers and chili peppers. 

I wish I had been there for the interrogation that followed.

Dude says his cat is ill-tempered, so as punishment he planned to COOK his cat.  Like a meal.  To eat. 

WHAT?!

Aside from the obvious questions, one particular stood out:

If you were going to cook the cat for eating purposes, wouldn't you shave his hair off first?

Just a thought. 

Thankfully the cat was rescued, cleaned and put up for adoption.  Vegans only need apply, please.


Woman uses diaper in traffic beef

The chick in this story takes road rage to a whole new level.

While leaving a county fair, two women got stuck in traffic, and for reasons unknown got into a dispute.  One of the women decided the best way to make her point would be to get down 'n dirty.  Literally.

She took a dirty diaper - from where, I'm not sure - and smeared baby poop all over the other woman's windshield.

I'd say she won that argument.  She was, however, charged with harrassment. 


Oxford says no to "faboosh" words

Been waiting patiently for words like "cankles" and "tanorexia" to show up in the Oxford English Dictionary so you'll have permission to use them in that English essay about the difference between Kirstie Alley and George Hamilton? 

Too bad.

According to Oxford's senior assistant editor Fiona Mooring, current slang will not be included in the OED until there is sufficient evidence of their usage, preferably in published writings over a period of time.

A few examples of words that have yet to be accepted:

Chimping: the action or practice of immediately reviewing each shot taken using a digital camera (I do that.)

Chin-strap: a type of beard, shaped in a narrow strip along the jawline

Faboosh: fabulous

Flashpacking: luxurious backpacking

Twetiquette: Twitter etiquette

So, if you're hoping to see OMG, IDK, chillax, and other text-talk or slang words show up in the dictionary, don't hold your breath.  It'll be a good decade or two. 

Until then we'll just have to stick with Urban Dictionary.


Moving on...


Plant grows in man's lung

This story is just beyond bizarre. 

Dude is eating dinner.  Let's say it's baked chicken.  As a side, he has green peas.  One of those little guys decides to go down the wrong pipe and settles in dude's lung.  Pea then over time begins to GROW into a pea PLANT inside dude's LUNG. 

WHAT?!

See the video below.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

You'll think twice before hoovering your peas next time, won't you? 

I will.

That's all the abnormal news for today, kids!

In case I don't see ya....

good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!

(I may make this my "signature"...)

Abnormal News Day

Looks like there's a new type of terrorist in town: ants.

Yes, the little bugs that live in mounds and eat your food at picnics.

According to ecologist Mark Moffett, he has proof that some ants are "suicide bomber" ants. 

I know, I was shocked too.  

Supposedly these ants are fed up with the insect government and have begun strolling into bug banks and schools with sticks of dynamite strapped to their chests. 

I kid. 

What this genius did was find a tree that was home to these angry ants.  He set a trap for other ants by spreading honey along the trunk.  Then he waited.

And waited.

Finally another species of ant and his buddies caught wind of the honey and decided to wander up the tree to find the source.  The first ant made it out alive, but only barely.  To quote the scientist: "That one would live another day."  How dramatic.  The second ant - an idiotic fellow - wandered up the tree next and got a wee bit too close to crazy ant. 

Crazy ant went all ninja and made herself "detonate,"  effectively killing her and the unfortunate dummy as well.  Our scientist was quick-draw McGraw and got a picture of the massacre. 

The yellow stuff is toxic

Dr. Brilliant described the scene: "Just as I clicked the shutter there was a splash of yellow, and both ants were immobilized in a sticky, grotesque tableau." 

Indeed. 

Moffett goes on to describe other species of ant that have the ability to flatten their heads, kill off entire groups of themselves at a time, and make their limbs detach at will.

So, next time you come across an ant, BEWARE.  They just might blow snot on you. 

You can read the entire article here .

Abnormal News Day

I read regular news every day, and it's just entirely too depressing. Natural disasters, economic depression, murder, war, blahbety blah.

Sheesh.

Makes you seriously consider want to lock your doors and just stay inside. As long as you have satellite television, a cell phone and internet access, anyway.

And, of course, Doritos and sour cream.*

Which I do.

Thankfully, MSNBC provides a "Weird News" section to their website, and it has become my favorite news source. This giant corporation actually pays people to travel the world, searching for 911-dialing dogs, two-headed animals and really hairy men. It's fantabulous, really.

So, this morning as I was reviewing the weird news of the world, it was brought to my attention - via the large print and slide-show preview to the right of the page - that MSN actually does Weird Science Awards. No. Freaking. Way.

Well, of course I have to share my discovery with you. (I won't show all award-winners here, but check the link at the bottom of this post and it will direct you to MSNBC's page.) Off we go...

BREAKING NEWS:
In a German zoological vote, it has been deemed acceptable for homosexual penguins to adopt and raise babies.


Not really. You did make one of those WHAT?! faces after reading that though, didn't you?


Story goes like this: momma penguin hatches egg but wants to focus on her career and daddy penguin is a dead-beat, so they abandon baby penguin. Concerned for the fetus, zookeepers take a chance and place egg in cage of a known gay penguin couple.

That's right, folks. Gay penguin couple.


And how do they know said penguins are Boy George-ing it? Well apparently the boys were caught trying to mate. Naughty, naughty.


As was hoped, the happy couple incubated the egg for a month, then proceeded to care for the newborn penguin after it hatched.


(I'm not making this stuff up. Well, maybe the part about mom penguin and dad penguin, but the rest is true.)

Apparently scientists have found a way to grow bunny....ahem....parts. (Yes, the x-ray picture above is, in fact, a hare's one-eyed monster.)

I was a tad confused by this one, because 1) aren't there already enough reproducing rabbits in the world? and 2) can't a few competent males handle the existence of baby bunnies everywhere? I mean, the phrase "hump like rabbits" must have had some literal reference.

Either way, cheers to you, Bugs Bunny. Getcha some.

Researchers in Nevada discovered a blob (no, not the Blob. I just wanted to use that picture) of substance-dripping rock just hanging out about 50 miles beneath the surface. It's supposedly 60 miles wide, but scientists aren't concerned with it busting through the ground and taking over Las Vegas. At least, that's what they want us to think....

After decades of believing da Vinci's muse Mona Lisa to be a shy and somewhat unwilling model, a new discovery has us reconsidering. It looks like miss Mona was actually a foxy little thing. Supposedly hidden for almost a century within the walls of a library, the above painting shows a topless model bearing striking resemblance to the famed painted lady.

If these piqued your interest, be sure to check out the 69ing bats, glow-in-the-dark puppies and other abnormalities at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34712701/ns/technology_and_science-science

*If you've never tried Doritos and sour cream, I suggest you stop reading immediately, get in your car, drive to the nearest store, buy some and try it. It will ROCK.YOUR.WORLD.

Have no fear, The Viper is here!

Forget Gotham and Metropolis. Columbia, Tennessee is apparently where all supervillians have relocated. Much to their dismay, however, there's a new caped crusader in town. His name is The Viper. (You think I'm kidding, but I'm completely serious.)



Last week two Columbia police officers were having just another average day protecting the peace when they happened upon a young man in tights, donning under armor, two plastic sticks and a utility belt complete with screwdriver and cell phone - you know, in case he encountered actual crime and needed to call 911. Our hero also had stashed in his vipermobile - er, I mean car - ninja throwing stars.

Upon investigation, the officers learned that our hero is actually a 20-year old chemistry student with a tragic lack of social life. Add that to an affection for tights, and you've got yourself a crime-fighting alter-ego. I guess it would be concerning to have a chemist with questionable mental stability running amuck late at night through town, but seeing as how it's Columbia and not New York City, I'm guessing the local PD are just getting a good laugh out of the ordeal.

When interviewed by news reporters, the aspiring superhero said, "I'm just trying to do what's right, in tights." Well, residents of Columbia, now you can sleep peacefully at night knowing that wherever evil may be lurking, The Viper will find it, and he will destroy it. That or throw sticks at it before calling police.


The Viper Story