Ways to effectively agitate me

First, let me just say that I'm not an aggressive person.  I'm not short-tempered, ill-humored, moody, grumpy, mean or prone to PMS.  Sure, I have occasional bouts of complaining that occur - but who doesn't?  I'm generally a laidback, mellow kinda gal who just likes to laugh. 

That being said, there are a few specific things that very easily annoy me and will quickly turn me into sarcastically rude Jess (we don't like her, so it's best to keep her locked up). 

NOTE:  These will all be rated on a scale of  1 to Chris Brown, with Chris Brown being a 5, Mel Gibson drunken rage a 4, Mommie Dearest "No more wire hangers!" a 3, Kanye West proving a point a 2 and Elizabeth Hasselback rant a 1.


Not saying "Excuse me" when you bump into someone

Granted, this is a minor thing, but it's a pet peeve.  If you're walking down a hallway at school, or in a building, or if you're at a store, in the mall, wherever, and you bump into someone, just say, "Excuse me."  Please.  It's really not that hard to do, and it's common courtesy.  You know, that thing your momma taught you. 

Rating:  2

Interrupting me when I'm on the phone

Now, I know sometimes it can't be helped.  Let's say I'm chatting with my mother about the weather and the hubs is trying to pull a hot pan out of the oven before the dinner burns.  He might say, "Hey, where'd you put the oven mitts?"  That kind of interruption doesn't bother me.  However....

Let's say, for instance (this is completely hypothetical, by the way) I'm at work, and I'm in the middle of a phone call with an automated system - which I hate - and have maybe three more buttons to push before I reach the person I'm trying to get.  If you bust up into my office and insist on talking to me about something non-important (even after I make it quite obvious that I'm on the phone) to the point that I finally just give up and hang up the phone.....this is bad.  Very, very bad.  Because not only will I soon learn you interrupted my call for NO REASON WHATSOEVER, I will also have to redial and go through the tedious, time-consuming steps all over again.  Thank you very much.  You've just ticked me off. 

Rating:  4

Bad drivers

In the mood for a "Sunday drive" on a Monday?  That's fine, but don't do it between the hours of 6-8 and 2-6, please.  Some of us have jobs to drive to, school to go to, etc.  Most of us have a certain time to be there, so pretty please, could you save it for Sundays? 

(By "bad drivers," I'm referring to people who drive a good ten miles under the speed limit, take entirely too long to make turns, come to complete stops at stop signs - honestly, who does that?! -  and go 10 mph in school zones instead of the acceptable 25.) 

Rating:  1

People who are rude to servicepeople

(Waiters/waitresses, store clerks, checkout people, etc.)

We've all been waited on poorly, or had someone not be able to help us in a timely manner.  We've all felt like someone was incompetent at their job.  However, sometimes those people are just having a bad day, or a stressful day, and you're the jerk who decides to take it upon yourself to make them feel worthless and stupid.  I have to say to you:  GET OVER YOURSELF.   

I firmly believe that everyone - and I do mean everyone - should have to work in some form of customer service job for at least one year of their life.  Preferably as a young adult.  After dealing with a-holes for twelve months, you will never be rude to another serviceperson again.

Oh, and P.S.  Tip 15% people!!  If not that, at least the measely 10%.  Wait staff doesn't get paid as well as you would assume, and those tips are what makes up the difference.  If you don't want to tip, don't eat out!

Rating: 3

Last but not least, the straw that broke the camel's back:

LIARS

So you did something you didn't plan to do.  You screwed up.  You hurt someone's feelings, gossiped, stole, cheated, basically something awful and now you're ashamed.  We all make mistakes, that's true, but when I ask you about it

DO. NOT. LIE. TO. ME.

A few reasons:

1.  I'll know.  I have actually studied the telltale signs to look for (the same ones detectives use in  

     interrogations).  Plus I can smell BS. 

2.  Once you lie to me, I will (probably) never believe you again.   Ever.

3.  I will lose all respect for you.  (Respect is earned, people, not given out.)

Basically, just tell me the truth.  It may suck at first, but eventually the bad thing will be resolved and forgotten, and you won't have to keep telling lies to cover the original one (which always happens).

Let's all just be honest for a change, eh? 

Rating: 5

So, now that we all know what NOT to do around Jess, we can go on and have great, wonderful, fantabulous friendships. 

Toodles!