Thursday, July 8, 2010

Have no fear, The Viper is here!

Forget Gotham and Metropolis. Columbia, Tennessee is apparently where all supervillians have relocated. Much to their dismay, however, there's a new caped crusader in town. His name is The Viper. (You think I'm kidding, but I'm completely serious.)

Last week two Columbia police officers were having just another average day protecting the peace when they happened upon a young man in tights, donning under armor, two plastic sticks and a utility belt complete with screwdriver and cell phone - you know, in case he encountered actual crime and needed to call 911. Our hero also had stashed in his vipermobile - er, I mean car - ninja throwing stars.

Upon investigation, the officers learned that our hero is actually a 20-year old chemistry student with a tragic lack of social life. Add that to an affection for tights, and you've got yourself a crime-fighting alter-ego. I guess it would be concerning to have a chemist with questionable mental stability running amuck late at night through town, but seeing as how it's Columbia and not New York City, I'm guessing the local PD are just getting a good laugh out of the ordeal.

When interviewed by news reporters, the aspiring superhero said, "I'm just trying to do what's right, in tights." Well, residents of Columbia, now you can sleep peacefully at night knowing that wherever evil may be lurking, The Viper will find it, and he will destroy it. That or throw sticks at it before calling police.

The Viper Story

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